The Swap

Defining Moment

This Is The Last Chapter, So Please Read The Author's Note!

"Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."

- Dr. Seuss -

~ ~ ~

I woke up with a bright beam of light shining in my face and rolled over with a groan. I had forgotten to close my curtains the night before and I was seriously regretting it now. The time on my clock read 7:14 and, though I wanted nothing more than to sleep for a couple more hours, I knew it wasn't going to happen.

After my dramatic break down with Melanie almost a week ago, I'd been spending most, if not all, of my time alone. Both her and my parents had heard my outburst and decided to finally give me the space I'd been yearning for.

This small dose of freedom along with the fact that I was on break from school gave me an excess of free time, leaving me clueless of what to do with it. All week I'd been going to sleep at 9 o'clock or earlier and waking up before anyone else in my house.

I took a lot of walks, like the one I was preparing for just then, enjoying the emptiness of the park that winter had brought. I made it to the park entrance in just over ten minutes. There was a nice blanket of snow covering the dirt and the walkway. I had brushed off the bench so that I could sit down and enjoy the scenery for a while.

This had become a normal activity for me. I'd even come twice a day sometimes, in the morning when I woke up and in the evening right before the sun went down.

I sat here and contemplated everything. Mostly, I'd ask myself why I had never spent time here before. Even before the swap, I never came out of my house. Maybe it was because my parents were home now and Gizmo never left my side and I needed to get away from all interaction for a while.

I never thought I'd need an escape from my family.

I loved them, of course, but this was the first of my heartbreaks that they'd ever witnessed and they didn't know how to handle it. They were going about it all wrong, practically suffocating me with their sympathy.

They hadn't been here for my first heartbreak since their leaving was the cause of it. My second heartbreak was caused by the boy who took both my virginity and my pride in my first year of high school- another time that they weren't around for.

But this one was by far the worst and the hardest to deal with. I couldn't burden my friends with a problem that they wouldn't be able to fix. I didn't want to rehash bad memories of my past mistakes. They say talking about it will help, but I didn't see how. My solace was in the silence of this deserted park, where there was no one to ask the dreaded question: "are you okay?"

I let my thoughts wander for some time after that, breathing in the fresh air around me. When my mind was clear, I stood up and made my way back up the white path in the direction of my house.

This park had become my own form of therapy, and I truly believed that the time I spent here alone was helping me move on.

The ache came with every thought of Jaxon, but I was starting to find it easier to cope with.

It was almost noon when I entered my house and I was immediately greeted by Gizmo. I leaned down and ruffled his fur as he barked happily and jumped up to lick my face. With a slight smile, I stood up and went into my living room. I decided that watching tv would surely pass the time until my parents got home.

They'd gone out for the day, reconnecting with some of their old work friends and I was left home- not that I minded.

I flipped through the channels before settling on Amityville Horror. It wasn't my favorite movie but it had been a while since I'd seen it.