Catch a Feeling

I

I struggle a lot with relationships, friendships and what not. I struggle to keep people close. I really don't know why these friendships and relationships don't last long because it seems to me I put in a lot of effort. Trust me. It's never my fault; pun intended.

I get jealous when I see people celebrating landmark achievements in friendships and relationships. Hell, how do they do that? Maybe they don't ever quarrel or maybe; you know what? Never mind.

I hated my life and I hated myself for settling for this mediocre life. What I hated most about my life was my job. I did everything they said, go to school, get good grades, graduate from school and get a 'good' job.

No one told me to follow my dreams. No one encouraged me to be myself.

Going to school, graduating and getting a good job is a formula that has worked and still works for millions out there. It just wasn't my formula; I didn't need a psych to see it. As a kid, I wanted to travel the world; I wanted to see other continents. My father was having none of that, my mother had no say in the matter.

I took up this job offer as young buzzing graduate, I was ready to take over the world. It was better than nothing, in no time I would have my own office, my own secretary and my own family in that order. 10 years down the line, and none of those have been actualized.

I had no friends, no hobbies and no recreational life. I sought purpose in my life, I needed a higher meaning or maybe direction in my life. I did a lot of research on the internet. I practiced meditation and all sorts of New-Age voodoo. They didn't cut it for me, soon I had lost all interest.

Yesterday, I couldn't take it no more. I needed to breath and I needed to live. Tons of paperwork on my table, I couldn't find the right headspace to sort them out. I just sat down there thinking, "I deserve more than this, and I am going to get more than this".

I got up, picked up all the papers and walked straight to my boss's office. I dumped them right on the floor; I slammed the door behind me as I stormed out, wow it felt so good. I packed my stuff and went straight home. The moment I left the office I knew I had lost that job. It didn't weigh for a second on me, I packed my suitcase and drained my bank accounts. I was going to travel the world.

I was waiting at the airport for my flight. My first stop was Nigeria, I had read so much about this beautiful black country; The Giant of Africa they say. While waiting, I would look up and I would look down, I couldn't risk being caught. I was staring at this beautiful ebony woman, she was also heading to Nigeria. The aura around her was just amazing.

Today, 7 hours into our flight; she's taking a nap and resting her head on my shoulder. I am catching feelings; that is a Nigerian slang she just taught me by the way. I am catching feelings for this prepossessing woman. Her name is Ayomide, meaning 'My joy has Come'.

We have talked for hours about cultural differences, music, books and so many other topics we share mutual interests in. I have never felt this way in my entire life, I feel so warm by her side.

All my life, I played to their rules. All my life, I played safe in fear of failing. Just one time, I decided to go after my own happiness as I sought meaning and purpose in life. I meet this curvy graceful upbeat woman; surely fate planned it all out. She made me a believer, of sorts.

Even if Nigeria turns out to be as buzzkill as my hometown. This woman resting on me, a total stranger she just met few hours ago taught me a lot about life. It's a chance you get, it's a chance you need. There's so much more out there. Live, love and learn. Catch a feeling today.