Justin and I had a good relationship. It contained a lot of joy, a whole lot of smiles and loads of romantic nights. I should feel like the happiest person alive. I am, when I’m with him.
I started smoking again, for real this time. I knew that Justin didn’t like it. But if it were the one thing that kept me sane, I would keep doing it.
I don’t know why I’m complaining, many people would say I’m living the perfect life; I have the perfect and most loving boyfriend, I live in this huge house in LA, I’m living the dream of millions of girls… and here I am, complaining. I think It’s the pressure of constantly looking pretty and to be perfect at all times is what’s keeping me down.
Of course, I haven’t told Justin about this. He wouldn’t take it very well and as if right now, I want him to focus on his music. He’s in the middle of recording his new album and he really wanted me to record a song with him. I agreed on that and I’ve been taking singing lessons for a while now.
I’ve also been feeling very depressed about everything. I think being away from my mom and my friend hit my harder than I thought. Though, I’ve gotten amazing friends here. Demi’s one of my closest friends now. We spend a lot of time together and I trust her a lot. She’s the only one who knows about my depression. The thing about her is that she always knew what to say. She had been through a lot, so she had great advises. She suggested that I should go to a therapist, so I did. I had 3 appointments.
“hi, my name is Susan, and I’m your new therapist.” I gave her a gentle smile and she returned the favor.
“I’m Alice…” I wasn’t very good at talking about my feelings, especially not with total strangers.
“Why did you look for my help, Alice?”
“I’ve just been feeling very depressed lately and I’ve had a problem with finding happiness in the things I do.”
“mhm…”
“Yeah….” I didn’t know what to say, she didn’t say anything and neither did I. after a few minutes, she broke the tension.
“Tell me a little about your life and things that happened in your life within the last year…”
“okay, so my best friend that I hadn’t seen in a few years came back to my home town, Stratford. We ended up spending 2 weeks together and we became an item. I came with him on tour and then I moved with him to LA. I kind of miss my mom and my friends at home. But I do have amazing people surrounding me here. I have the most perfect boyfriend and everything’s fine. But there’s just thing I can’t really handle. Feelings I can’t put aside and things from the past that comes back around. It’s like karma, but I haven’t done anything wrong.”
“mhm..”
throughout this whole meeting ‘mhm’ was basically the only thing she said. I felt stupid for ever going there. I just had to figure out a way to get rid of these feelings by myself.
I walked home, Justin wondered where I had been, he didn’t know that I was seeing a therapist so I said that I was meeting up with demi.
Later that night, it hit me. I could sing away the pain. I seemed to work for singers and the people in glee. I walked into Justin’s “music-room”, I never really paid attention to this room unless I was in here with Justin.
I grabbed the guitar and started playing.
It all started with the acoustic version of Sleeping with sirens’ ‘James Dean & Audrey Hepburn’
That song had been a personal favorite of mine for a few years and I could listen to it over and over again. It kind of described the feelings I had towards Justin. I never wanted him to leave and I knew that as long as he was with me, I’d be okay. I needed him and I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else but here. And I wanted him to stay forever with me so badly.
Next song would be ‘best friend’ by Jason Chen. I fell in love with my best friend and I didn’t regret one second of it. But it was about the risks we were taking.
After that came The Fray’s song ‘Never say never’. I could feel the fear of being alone through every word. I didn’t want him to let me go.
Justin’s POV:
I heard Alice walk into the room beside me, which happened to be the room where I made a lot of my music. Soon enough a heard a guitar being picked up and she started to play. I sat down on the floor next to the door. I heard her sing all kinds of sad songs.
When she came to the third song she sang the phrase “don’t let me go” multiple times. I wasn’t quite sure if I got the message of if there even was a message to get, but I thought she sounded worried.
She kept singing, but this time she moved on to the piano. I had no idea she could play more than one instrument nor that she was this good. ‘what are words’ was the next song. She sounded like an angel. After the second verse I heard her cry, she stopped playing so I decided to walk in.
“Baby…” I walked towards her and held her tight. I knew she needed it. I let go and grabbed the guitar. I placed myself on a chair right in front of her. I started to play on my guitar.
“When you try your best but you don't succeed,
when you get what you want but not what you need
when you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face,
when you lose something you can't replace
when you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?”
Alice’s eyes were once again filled with tears. I kept singing. When the song was over I put the guitar down and held her for as long as I could.
Because no matter what was going on, I was going to try to fix her…
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hi guys, i know i havent posted in such a long time and im sorry. And on top of that, this a crappy chapter. im sorry, alright?
ive been dealing with a lot of stuff right now and school starts in less than 2 weeks.
but anyways, i you like this story dont forget to vote and comment so i'll know what youre thinking.
youre all beautiful, stay strong <3 - Felicia
