hey guys :) thanks for the comments!! i always apreciate them!! :)
so here is chapter 12 :D
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Chapter 12
Acceptance.
Acceptance is the one thing that everyone craves. Not everyone is lucky to have it in their lives… thankfully I am. Harry accepts that I am blind, gay, and I have a self-harming issue… he doesn’t judge me. Although I always have my doubts that he is secretly disgusted of me… because obviously I can’t see if his face is covered with disgust… I doubt that he really wants to be my friend because no one ever has wanted to. I doubt a lot of things… including myself. I doubt that I will ever stop cutting… it is my way of coping… if I can’t cope I don’t know what I will do… I don’t want to know what I will do.
“Are you done with your plate?” my mum asks snapping me out of my trance.
“Oh, yeah, thanks mum” I looked up with a half hearted smile.
I think Harry noticed my smile faded since our little interaction because I felt his hand snake back into mine and he whispered to me, “are you ok?” his voice sounded concerned.
I tilted my head towards him and tried to smile again… which I don’t think went as well as I planned and nodded as I closed my eyes. I kept my head turned towards him.
All of a sudden he pressed his lips to mine quickly and then pulled back. My eyes widened because my mum was probably looking, I turned in the direction of the kitchen and waited for her gasp.
“Don’t worry, she’s in the living room” Harry whispered to me.
I let go of a breath that I didn’t know I was holding and smiled at Harry.
I want Harry and I to take it slow. I have never been in a relationship before… wait what are we? Are we like… boyfriends? Dating? Friends with benefits?! I hope we are more than friends… but I kind of doubt we are. Oh here we go again, me doubting everything.
“Stop frowning” Harry said as he squeezed my hand a little tighter. I wasn’t aware that I was frowning…
“Sorry” I said under my breath.
“What were you thinking about so deeply?” Harry said quietly.
“I don’t know…” I said looking toward my lap where both of our hands were sitting, tangled together.
Harry put his finger under my chin and brought my face up to his eye level. This is where a normal person would look into his eyes… but since I am so far from normal I looked into the darkness in front of me, the never ending darkness which is my life.
“You’re doing it again” Harry said as he gave me a quick peck on the lips. This is what I am thinking about though! He is kissing me but what are we?? Friends don’t kiss randomly all the time when one of them frowns!
“What are we?” I said as I tilted my head.
I heard Harry sigh and he pressed our foreheads together. “What do you want us to be?”
Way to reverse the question! “I asked you first.” I said with a chuckle.
“Well… I don’t know… should we take it slow? Or like should we just go right into a relationship?” Harry said as he separated our foreheads again.
I paused to think. Well I would LOVE to go right into being in a relationship… but I feel like we should get to know each other better… you know… go on a date or something. Yeah! Go on a date.
“Will you go on a date with me?” I asked out of the blue.
Harry chuckled. “Of course I will Lou.” He pecked my cheek and I smiled brightly.
“Good.” I said as I pecked his lips. Our foreheads reconnected and we just sat there for a little while… just absorbing each other’s company.
This…
This is happiness.
I never thought that happiness and forever darkness could fit together… but Harry Styles… this boy, made it possible.
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thanks for reading, sorry its short x
