War of Hearts (BoyxBoy) [Book 1: Unspeakable Series]

Chapter Twenty Five

Theo's P.O.V.

I had somehow convinced my mom and Alex that I didn't need counseling. We never spoke about that night again. We pretended that it never happened. True to her word she had all my stuff delivered to her place and had me on a strict schedule.

I hated every second of it.

But I learned to suck it up and pretend everything was fine.

The only person getting me through this was Alex.

I hated myself for that too.

I hated how easy it was for me to slip into old habits.

I hated that I was at his mercy again.

His feather light kiss to my temple and soothing fingers through my hair brings me out of my thoughts.

"What's bothering you?" He asks in mild concern and I close my eyes silencing him with languid kiss.

He responds automatically pulling me closer and even though it's satisfying I can't help the guilt that prickles my conscience.

"Let's just forget about it...let's forget everything and everyone and..." The guilt is almost unbearable as I whisper against his lips.

I push him onto my bed straddling his hips with a teary smile and he looks even more worried but I kiss it away holding back my sobs as silent tears streak my cheeks.

"You say you love me...then just do it Alex. Love me." I plead against his lips with a teasing rock of my hips and he does just that.

He loves me in away that's not enough.

He satisfies my body but I can't shake the feeling that it's just that. That it's all physical and that I'm not enough. But I moan and cling to him and beg for more. I tell him that I belong to him and him alone and that nothing would ever change that.

He tells me he loves me.

But I know it's only half true.

And even though I love him...

I don't say it back.

It would just make things worse.

Make things too real.

So I lapse into breathless mewls of pleasure.

Everything seeming perfect for a time.

"I love you." He whispers again at my ear and I burry my face in his neck releasing a strangled moan even as more doubt leaks through my eyes staining my cheeks and his flushed neck.

"I k-know." I lie and the words feel like poison against my lips and I'm guilty as hell but can't do a damn thing about it.

He holds me tighter screwing me in a pleasantly unpleasant way until there's nothing but white and a soundless scream as I bite my lip. But as we come down from the high I can't even look at him. I'm snuggled into his chest and his arms around me are like a bearable form of prison.

"You don't have to ever feel guilty about us Bell. You were never his in the first place and he didn't love you. If he did he would've never abused you. Your better than that...better than him and I'll never allow him to hurt you again." He says and a sad smile tilts my lips as I trace his lean abdomen with idle fingers.

Ace may have hurt me...but so did Alex.

And even though I was head over heels for my brother...

I felt like I was only ever loved by Ace.

I wished I could return the feeling but I couldn't...

And I was miserable with them both...

Always so guilty.