Infatuation (Camren)

nine

"Camila? Camila say something." Lauren shook Camila's hands still encased in her own from side to side. Camila stared, wide eyed, mouth agape, right through her, completely unable to say a word.

"Camila?" she asked again. Nothing. Lauren felt her emotions rising in her, threatening to bubble over. "Camila! You have to say something!" She had managed to remain rational through this, now Camila had to do the same.

Okay, so that wasn't completely fair. Lauren had been given ample time to cry and scream, all with her loving best friend there to hold her when the time came. Camila had a right to be upset. But if she would just say something, anything, good or bad, Lauren could help her through it. Lauren could be there to love her and hold her when she needed to be held.

Camila wasn't saying a word, so Lauren decided to continue to talk to her until she came back.

"Camz." she said again, "Camila, I've been really really scared. You can't even imagine. These past two weeks have just been anguish, not knowing. But I was to afraid to do anything, afraid of finding out for sure I really was pregnant. Normani finally forced me to take a test. Actually I took several. And I was such a wreck, I couldn't even think about telling you. I thought about just getting rid of it without anyone save me and Normani ever knowing a thing."

Camila was looking at her now, her eyes running up and down her face, taking in her words. Lauren could see life again behind her eyes. She was coming back to her.

She continued, "Mani of course told me I had to talk to you about it. Camz, we need to work through this together, okay? Come to a decision we both agree on. But, you know, working through this together is going to require you to talk to me."

Lauren let out a breath of relief and waited patiently for her to reply.

Camila slowly spoke, lifting Lauren's hands up in hers, holding them close to her chest, and looking in her eyes, "This is really huge." she whispered.

Lauren couldn't resist the sarcastic eye roll she shot back at him.

"But you already know that." Camila said, looking down at her jeans. She looked back up at her green eyes and cleared her throat.

Lauren could see how hard Camila was having to work at making an effort to remain calm and level headed, and part of her was grateful. She needed to be mature about this now. But another part of Lauren almost wanted to see her scream and cry as much as she had, both for the satisfaction of seeing her go through the same toils as her, and also so that she too could return to this childlike state and cry with her.

Maybe if they held each other and worked through the pain and the fear together, everything would be much better by tomorrow. Maybe, even, if they made love again, Camila would finally realize her feelings for her.

But Lauren knew that was out of the question and she hated herself for thinking about it right now. She needed to be brave on her own, and face her fears on her own, tackling the problem that no matter what Normani said, she knew she was just as responsible for this child as Camila. She couldn't insist on depending on her now. She was never there to be dependable, that would have completely gone against the premise of an affair.

"Lauren?" she asked softly. Lauren realized now that she had been the one who was spacing out too long.

"Yes?" she asked.

Camila blew out a long breath, "I think the decision should be one hundred percent your own. And I...I'll support you no matter what you decide." she gulped.

Lauren placed a hand on Camila's cheek gently. She was shocked at how hot her skin felt. "We're going to work through this together. Like I said. And Camz, I don't think I could make the decision on my own. I don't think I'm strong enough. I-" her mouth began to quiver, twitching as she fiercely fought back tears.