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Tommy finally gets the courage to text Jake something witty four days later.

TOMMY: hey, this is tommy. we met @ lisa's party?

(No, it's not witty, because he's an idiot, and he found a shirtless picture of Jake on Instagram and he's honestly still not over it.)

JAKE: tommy the philosophy & lit genius?

TOMMY: no, the other tommy u met @ lisa's party & gave ur number to.

JAKE: i don't recall the other tommy being an asshole.

Tommy snorts into his palm because his dad's grading papers upstairs and he needs to concentrate, Thomas before letting his fingers fly across the screen.

TOMMY: it's a tommy thing. in the job description & everything. must be an asshole. :)

Jake doesn't text back for ten minutes. Then, finally, Tommy's phone buzzes.

JAKE: well that explains everything.

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