Chapter 19

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sorry this is the last chapter before an epilogue oml i feel shitty now

Tris.

My orange bags are stacked over each other neatly, the bottom bunk stripped bare of its sheets and pillows leaving a long grey mattress against a wooden frame. Last day at camp, last day, last day. Those words run through my head as I slip a sweater over my bare arms so that I don't get bitten by the swarm of mosquitoes surrounding the cabin. I cannot believe that I forgot all about how my first day of college is tomorrow; making it two days since I last saw Tobias.

Clarissa came and told me that he wasn't coming to help me with counselling yesterday because he said he wasn't feeling good but I know it had to be some other reason. Yesterday I stopped in front of his cabin and saw him pacing it in circles without noticing me standing outside it, so I went back to my own cabin to pack up.

And now I'm here. Next year I won't return, the thought of spending another summer trapped inside this dictated area disgusts me, the only reason that I would ever return would be because of Tobias. But he isn't coming back either next year so I wouldn't really have a purpose to come back.

Today, Isabel announced, is a free day for all the kids here because apparently Shauna is leaving for college today too. So the children are all going to spend the day with Gale while Shauna and I leave, but the only difference is that Shauna will be returning next year, I'm not.

The stale smell of dust fills the air of the large and empty cabin being that it's completely empty and that everybody has gathered for an early morning bonfire. Pushing open the cabin door I'm immediately greeted with the cool breeze of late August. Tobias, Shauna and I are all heading to university but at different schools and Tobias starts after we do. If Tobias ended up applying for the same university that I did then there might have been a small chance that we would see each other on campus and I could finally be able to see him more often. But sadly he isn't.

The narrow path covered by shrubs and trees catch my eye as I begin walking towards it. Before I enter it I ensure that I glance at Tobias's cabin to see if I can talk to him now because frankly he's avoided me for the past two days ever since he kissed me–or well, I kissed him.

A faint memory of how I told Tobias a few months ago how the boy is always supposed to make the first move when really that was just a shitty lie. I kissed him, he didn't kiss me.

The plump green leaves prickle against my bare arms as I walk down the trail, my once clean shoes now smudged with dirt and rocks. One of the main reasons why I always refused to fall in love again was because after my ex-boyfriend realized that a long distant relationship would never work, I learned that when you really like somebody they tend to never last.

The thought of knowing that eventually I'm going to move on past Tobias and date somebody else, whether if it's in one year or ten years, brings me to bite the inside of my cheek. He's two years older than I am. He wants to be a teacher, I don't necessarily know what the fuck I want to be. He has a sense of direction, I can barely walk three steps without getting lost.

As the trail ends, I'm exposed to a strip of land, a small pond in the center with three giant rocks as pillars around the water as oak trees create a fence before a hundred meters away, another trail lays that will lead me to the pit.

But the fact that Tobias thinks that I'm going to that fire without noticing he's sitting on one of the rocks while staring into the pond, swinging his legs back and forth hard against the rock.

"Hey," I murmur while walking towards him. The sun casts a shadow on the side of his face and now only do I realize that there's a small cut on his cheek. Asking him about what happened is completely irrelevant to what I really want to talk to him about, and I know he would just dodge the question at first sight.

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