Sinful Infatuation

Sinful Infatuation: Chapter 6

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April 26

Nicoletti Estate

Long Island, NY

10:17 am

 Jourdain woke up reluctantly, the sun prodding gently at her face through Matteo’s floor to ceiling wall of windows. Looking over, she could see that she was the only one in the bed and probably had been for a long while. It was probably for the better though, as she needed to make her decision alone, without any distractions. Today was decision day. Does she stay with her fiancé, Max or throw caution to the wind and try her luck with Matteo?

 Both ideas scared her.

 Jourdain had always been responsible, unselfish, and reliable. This newfound selfishness, doing things that made her happy no matter the consequence, was something that Matteo brought out in her. It frightened her to think that one person could have so much of an influence over her that he could have her switching up a personality she’d had for twenty-four years. And there was no foreseeable future with Matteo. He didn’t want to get married, didn’t want children---or excuse her, didn’t want kids until he got married, which he would never do. Whatever the fuck that meant. Jourdain had always wanted to get married and have a large family. She knew what it was like being an only child with divorced parents. Not fun, that’s what it was. A marriage less and childless future seemed cold and lonely. Matteo’s exact profession was also under the “questionable” category in her mind. His evasive answers had her spidey senses tingling, not to mention the whole warehouse incident. Jourdain was by no means stupid, but she knew at times she could be naïve.

But…Matteo was fun, bold, and exciting. She couldn’t think of a time she felt more alive, adventurous...naughty.

Max represented longevity; commitment and love while Matteo represented excitement, wealth, and lust---every twenty-four year Old’s dream.

Jourdain sat up in the bed; smiling as she remembered the first time she had met Max. NYU had some kind of welcome dinner for their first year law school students and he had been there. He had watched her for a while before approaching her, introducing himself so formally, with his full name, a bow and kiss on the back of her hand, she laughed aloud. She thought he was quite attractive, with rich, mahogany brown eyes, a nice smile and body, all wrapped up in a smooth chocolate packaging. He wasn’t that tall, maybe 5’10” but that didn’t bother her much. He had also been quite shy. Which is why she was shocked when he had told her that he was a cop---a narc. She had thought that their demeanors would be more aggressive; at least, that’s how they were in the movie Bad Boys. Not one to hold her tongue, she had told him this. He laughed it off, saying that that was dramatization for the movie and that most of the time they sat around all day and threw staples at each other and made paper planes. When he’d asked her out later that night, she readily agreed. And like they say, the rest was history.

Could she really give up three years of history like it meant nothing? When did Max not become enough? Not exciting enough, bold enough, adventurous enough? She didn’t know the answer to that, and she had the dreadful feeling that she’d been settling all this time.

 She sighed and got out of Matteo’s bed. She’d made her decision.

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She looked up as she heard the bedroom door open, and watched Matteo stride over to her with the same blank expression he had on his face when they first met. His eyes looked her up and down, noting her clothed state, before saying, “I take it you made your decision.”

She nodded, “Matteo, I’m going back to Max. I’m not going to break off my engagement.” When he continued to stare at her, deathly still, she rushed to clarify. “I’ve known Max for three years now, there’s history there, and although I’ve been entirely selfish in having this affair with you, it would be mean of me to throw away that many years as though they’ve meant nothing. Especially when the alternative is bleak, I mean no marriage, no kids? Those are things I want, Matteo. Those are things I need. And you’re not willing to give me those, are you?”