I'm Restless

part 3

Could it be that maybe there's something very wrong with me, and that's why the love of my life avoids me?

Chad simply is one person I looked to and always thought would be there-oh how wrong I was!
Today I talked to his grandma...
I still hopelessly keep in contact, cuz if I don't than I'll lose Chad forever.
I explained nearly every detail except for the little secret Chad and I won't ever tell anyone. I told her everything because she deserves to know how her grandson is. Plus his grandma is like my life line of wise advice that makes it ten times easier to understand chads odd ways.

NaNa(what we all call his grandma) always had my back and even calls me her daughter. All my grandparents are dead except for the one on my mom's side. So having a grandparent figure in my life balances things. Sure my parents are chill and advise me the best they can...but there's nothing like a grandparent.

Speaking of the past. I can't really let go of mine. Like a demon it festures with time, inside a bleak normal body until it eventually kills its prey.

Sorry- I got off track...it just baffles me at how a person be head over heels in fucking love with you and then say they don't deserve you so they push you away.

Like last night Chad was at a party...with a girl I know. It was all over snapchat...I can't believe him...
He's a bastard, A FUCKING BASTARD!!!

He can go to a party but not text me back. I can glance his way and drop my eyes from his heavenly face...yet he's still smiling when he knows I'm hurting. He doesn't love me, love wouldn't feel like this....would it?

I held his dumbass while he cried in my arms because he knocked up a girl before him and I were together....and she aborted the baby without him knowing. There's been two occasions I've been there for him when he cried. Honestly, he rarely cries but when he does something has got to be killing him within for tears to fall.

This is my life I suppose. One heart break after another. That's okay, one day I'll be waiting too long and when I finally walk away he'll be standing where I stood. Heart in hand with tear filled eyes. I hope I break him just like he broke me.

/MEDIA ABOVE/