Heather pulled me outside the room, then, once the door was closed, playfully smacked me in the arm.
"Are you two a thing?" She asked me, grinning. Acting more like a friend than a nurse, I had been noticing her doing that a lot lately.
"No." I sighed. She looked at me suspiciously. "No." I repeated, more firm than the last time.
"That's not what it looked like." She giggled. "He was so in love with you. I mean, there is no sexier nickname in the world than," She paused and sighed dramatically, "princesa." She annunciated the c and s like a snake would. If it could talk that is.
"He, quote-on-quote, loved me. Past tense. I think all he wanted all along was my body, which doesn't even make sense because I'm not even skinny." I explain, sighing at the end. I know I'm not fat, but my stomach isn't as toned as I would like it to be.
"You are skinny!" Heather protested. I sighed and shook my head, I had never been happy with my body, and sure as heck wasn't going to start now.
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Once I was back inside my room, wearing my favorite jeans, reading a book, and holding my warm coffee in hand, I realized by myself with a book, shockingly, wasn't where I wanted to be right now.
"Can I go visit Tim now?" I ask anxiously, I hadn't seen him in a couple of hours and I was stressing out. My new friend looked a little skeptic, but nodded her head. I smiled, slipping past her and through the maze of hallways that I didn't know I had memorized. When I reached his room I twisted the doorknob and walked in, setting another plastic heart on his table, one for every day I missed him. Which was all of them.
I walked to his bed, kneeling beside him. I ran my hands through his messy brown hair. I stroked his forehead, and kissed it gently, almost afraid I'd break him if it were any rougher. A tear slipped down my cheek when I saw the peaceful slumber he was in.
"I miss you." I whisper for about the millionth time that week. "You need to wake up. You're missing school." I laughed a little, knowing that that would be the one thing to make him stay asleep. "Tim, if you can hear me, I need to tell you something. I love you, okay? So you can't leave me. Once we get out of here I'll do anything you want. I could do you're homework or I could bring you chocolate and a movie every day. I'll let you choose on movie nights and I'll make the snacks. I'll make sure Josh gets a piece of my mind. Oh, that's the other thing. Josh was the other driver, did you know that?" He didn't but I felt the need to ask. "You know you shouldn't have thrown yourself over me. That was pretty stupid of you." I tried to laugh in my attempt at humor, but it came out more of a croak, and another tear ran down my cheek. "Please come back. I'll never give you stupid nicknames again. I'll take you to amusement parks and ride the roller coasters even if I don't want to. I'll give you my Pokémon card collection that you've wanted since we were in first grade. I'll tell you why I was so uncomfortable about the last two items on my bucket list."
Until that moment I really hadn't realized why I was so uncomfortable with numbers fourteen and fifteen on my list. I was afraid of losing myself in falling in love. I was even more afraid of losing my innocence to someone who wouldn't stay. Then something dawned on me. Virginity is like you're innocence, right? Well if innocence is the naïvety of the world around me, then I've already lost my innocence. I've seen death first hand and felt the immense pain of heartbreak. I've been played, bruised, and almost taken advantage of, and that was just year. I'm thinking that the world has made it's mark already. I'm no longer a virgin to death and suffering, not anymore.
Lose your virginity....check.
I admit it was sort of cheating, but whoever wrote that down didn't specify how so this is fine by me.
I figured I'd give Tim one last try before leaving that day. I whispered to him about how much i missed and loved him. I told him all the things I'd do for him if he would just get up. I told him specifically all of these things, hoping that one would pull the trigger in his mind and his eyes would snap open. When they didn't, a small sob escaped my lips and I had to physically bite them to stop from crying again. I was walking away, out of Tim's room, because even if he's in a coma, I still didn't want Tim to see me cry. Not there. One last time I told him what I would do for him. Let him pick anything he wanted. I sighed and turned away.
"Promise?"
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if any of you can guess why this chapter was named the way it was I'll give you a major high five and congratulations because you have to be pretty smart to figure it out. not that you're not smart if you can't. It's just a bit harder for you, that's all. Okay, I'll stop talking. byeeeee
kylie
