Lost It All [1/5 Tony Perry series]

• Keep Myself Alive •

{ f o u r }

❗️❗️ Trigger warning ❗️❗️

Tony's POV//

( before he met Melanie... )

I sat up in my bed and sighed as I took the blade away from my wrist. Sunday nights are always the worst, because that means school tomorrow. These past few weeks, I've been really considering to kill myself officially and not just hurt myself.

School, family, and just everything is to hard for me right now. The blood from my arm dripped on the bathroom floor, it dripped slowly hitting the floor drop by drop. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes waiting for the worst part of the pain to pass.

The part right after the cut is fresh and the band aid hits the flesh. The burning sensation always satisfies me. It makes me feel like I am something in this world.

Everything going on at the moment is just to terrifying. My grandpas gone, all my grades are F's, I just got fired from my "job" and I'm just a wreck. There's no literal point on living anymore.

I grabbed an alcohol wipe and rubbed it over the cuts, causing it to burn even more, making me wince at the pain. My breathing sped up and the blood began to dry up a little.

I wrapped my arm with a gauze and cleaned the blood from the floor and sink. I sighed and sat down on the floor thinking.

Am I really worth living for?

That question always stuck in my head. Time to time I would ask constantly and start to doubt my need in this world.

People didn't really need me and I didn't really need people. A lot of people at school like me and are my friends, but I don't think they need me in their life. It's not like I'm going to do anything later in life.

A lot of girls liked me at school, but all they were was hoes. All rumored about and they all probably dated every guy in the school for two days and left them. I'm not looking for that kind of relationship. I don't even want a relationship at all, it's stupid.

I'm sure no loyal girl would like me anyways, so there's no point on talking about it. A knock was at the bathroom door and I'm guessing my mom was on the other side. I didn't realize I was in here for two hours and it's time for my mom to go to work. It's three in the morning and that's the usual time she wakes up to leave.

"You okay mijo?" I heard my mom ask from the other side of the door. I sighed and looked down at my arm. "I- I'm fine mom." I choked out.

I'm guessing she left, because I heard the front door close. I opened the door and walked to my room. I buried myself under the cover and fell back to sleep.

**

I woke up with a burning arm and the sky was a little light. It was still dark, but it's already time for me to wake up anyways. I got up and grabbed my black joggers and jacket to cover up my gauze. I put on my black vans and combed my hair.

I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and tried to cover up my bruise on my hands.

I grabbed my earphones and turned on my music. 'Come As You Are' by Nirvana came on so I turned it up. I walked downstairs and poured some orange juice for me. I took my medication and drank the juice.

The sun was up and it was time for me to head for the bus stop. I walked out the house and saw a guy pulling a girl out the house across the street from me. A guy about my age or a little older just laughed.

It made me angry that he laughed at her being possibly abused. My ex step father used to hit me and abuse me.

I continued to the bus stop and saw that girl from school. Cat I think her name is.. Cat or Cara? I don't know. I never really take place of people's names.

I guess that kid with the Gameboy always in his hands is going to be absent today.

I scratched at my arm and it burned for a second.

**

My advisory class is Office Aide, it's pretty cool because I just listen to music and get students out of class. Since today is Monday, I get to go to the teachers lounge and get some snacks.

I was walking to the lounge and grabbed a cup and filled it with more orange juice so I can take my medication again. And a muffin with a bag of chips. I had lunch already in the office, but I still needed the juice.

I was walking back to the office for lunch.
As I turn the corner, I run into this girl causing me to drop my juice all over the floor. She helped me pick it up and I get a look into her eyes.

They're beautiful.

"Oh gosh! I'm so sorry!" She yelled. As she helped pick it up. I blushed lightly and kept a straight face.

"It's okay. I'll buy a new one." I said as I continued to walk back to the office.

**

Schools over and I'm waiting for the bus. The girl I saw earlier is in line with Cat and they're just talking.

I look away and put my headphones in.

The friend I made today walked from behind and patted my shoulder. Unfortunately, it was the guy laughing at the girl this morning.

"What's up Tony?" Rian said to me.

"Hey Rian." I replied.

"Have you seen my sister?" He asked. I shrugged and glanced at the girl.

"I didn't know you have a sister." I replied.

"Never mind I see her. Just wanted to know that fat ass is going on the right bus." His joke was followed with a laugh.

I faked a laugh and smiled.