You Can't Love Him

31

"I don't think I can do this,"I whisper to Joc.
We were all waiting at a park waiting for Noah. He was late. Not that any of us expect anything else.

"You can do this E. Be strong. Take a deep breath." Joc light pats my shoulder. I nodded and took in a deep breath. After letting it out, I still felt super nervous. I think I might pass out.

"Noah just arrived."Will frowns, pointing to a black truck.  I felt my stomach churn and the palms of my hands sweat. Stay calm Em, you can do this.

I can hear the truck turn off and the door open and close. I see black boots hit the ground. I decided to look down so I didn't have to see his face.

"Hey man,"hear Will start to talk.

"Hey." I hear the voice I have come to love respond. I can't hear much because Will decided to whisper something in his ear. Will backs up and gives Noah a hug.

Noah goes down the line and hugs everyone. Everyone had a frown and even tears on their face. This felt so depressing. As much as they tried to hide their sadness, it was impossible. It was impossible not to cry.

"I'll miss you big brother." Jocelyn whispers. She cries as he pulls her into a short hug. This must be hard for her. She told me that Noah was like her brother. I know the pain of have a sibling leave.

"I'll miss you too." He hugs her for a few seconds and then moves down the line.

I've never seen Aaron or Collin cry. I wish I didn't experience that now. It was painful watching others cry.

Noah released the twins and moved on to the last person. Me.

I looked up to see his face. He looked so tired. He stares into my eyes for what felt like forever. His stare was too intense so I looked away. I couldn't speak because I didn't know what to say.

"Guys, we will be back," Noah says grabs my hand. Butterflies erupt in my stomach at his touch. "Come on." He pulls me towards the trees. We kept walking until the group couldn't be seen. He stopped when we were surround by trees and were far away from everyone.

I still didn't look him in the eyes. I didn't want to. I wanted to pretend like I was at home and I wasn't here, saying goodbye to someone I care so much for.

"Em, look at me." Noah places a hand on my cheek. I shake my head to say no.

"Please," He begs. I almost let out a sob at the sound of his voice cracking. I sigh and close my eyes, then open them again.I finally look up at him.

"I'm sorry, we couldn't make this work." He apologizes. I don't understand, it was actually working fine before. I knew the way he as acting toward me that was an act. He must care at least a little bit.

"Why are you leaving,"I question. He actually hasn't told me the reason he was leaving.

"There's things I've been needing to take care of back at home. I've been saving money so I could go home and finally I have enough. Plus I don't think I belong here." He confesses.

I narrow my eyes, "What do you mean you don't belong here? You belong here with me and Jocelyn. You belong here with the twins and Will. This is your h-"

"This place is not my home Em. My home is back in Australia." His voice cracks a little bit more. I internally begged him not to cry.

"The money, did you get it from those secret jobs you've been doing? The one with the brown bag and the fighting and the text messages. What was that?"

"You don't need to worry about that stuff anymore.You don't need to worry about me anymore."Noah crosses his arms and looks away.

"I I don't want you to leave." Tears burned my eyes. Come on Em, you were doing so well.

"This is goodbye Em." He kisses my forehead and let's his lips linger for a while. Finally he pulls away and turns around to walk away.

He was going to leave me here? He's just going to leave like that? I can't let that happen. I felt like running after him, but my brain had other ideas.

"Noah please don't leave,"I cry out. He doesn't turn around he just keeps walking.

"Please! I love you!" After my last words, the foot steps had stopped and all you could hear was my faint crying. He must be too far now. Maybe he didn't even hear me.

Before I knew what was happening, I was pushed against a tree and I felt a pair of lips on mine. My eyes widen, Noah was kissing me! I quickly respond back. His arms held me against the tree while my hands held on to his shirt.

I gasp as he harshly pulls away. We both try to control our breathing. Noah still has me pinned against the tree. He looked at me with so much anger.

"Don't say things that aren't true." He growls, his eyes were narrowed. I couldn't stop myself from talking anymore.

"It is true! I love everything about you! Your tattoos, your lip ring, your cute accent. I love when you try to annoy me while I'm writing. I love how you try to be romantic. I love how you like to cuddle and watch movies. I love you Noah." I rant.

"Why are you telling me this? It isn't going to make me stay." He glares.

"I know. But I wasn't going to let you leave and keep on believing that there is no such thing as love. Love is real Noah. And I love you wether you like it or not." I glare back at him. Even though I felt angry, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.

His eyes soften and he backs up. He looked so shocked and confused. "Em I-"

"You don't have to say it back if you don't mean it," I cut him off." Come on, we better get back to the others." I wipe the stray tears that fell. I had nothing left to say.

We finally reach it back to the others.
"There you two are, we thought you guys got lost." Collin chuckles.  We all stood in a circle. Everyone says goodbye for the last time.

"Em," Noah looks at me. "I want you to go to that writing school in New York. Your dad will help you now." He finally says and then hops into his truck. I watch as the black truck pulls out of the park, parking lot. Wait? What about my dad, how did he know my dad wasn't going to help me with my school?

Hot tears stream down my face again. I am so tired of crying, but I can't stop.

"Come on Em. We are all going to Wills place." Jocelyn pulls me towards Shawn the car.