Snails Don't Really Explode, Don't Worry

#17 ~~ January 22, 2016 ~~ Hunger Strike, Temple of the Dog

First off, I wanna address what happened to the story I was writing on here before. I took it down, because I wasn't actually prewriting or anything before putting the chapters up on here, so I spent months thinking about how the story would continue and realized that there were a lot of discontinuities that would make everything stop making sense--especially if I tried to go back in and make changes to it. Then the people who are new to the story would be getting the more accurate story and the people who read it first wouldn't. So to prevent that, I'm actually going to write the whole thing first.

The thing about writing though is that--well I wanna start off by saying I've been starting to have these dreams all week that are all very similar. They are all pretty dark with a light-ish mood to them and I find myself seeing wooden doors. It's all pretty demented and I have a feeling this has to do with me listening to a lot of Marilyn Manson recently as well as Dark Fortress's album, Seance. So these images I'm getting from the music and my dreams have been really driving my creative processes, realizing how many changes I needed to make at the beginning of the story. I feel like through this music and my dreams I am also discovering more of myself, and I continue to discover myself more. So the thing about writing is that the story is the writer. So the continued discovery of myself is what convinced me that I needed to change the beginning that I had written because I'm starting to get ideas about how the characters will develop overtime. It's very me.

Who am I? I see myself as someone who comes off as very carefree and for the most part positive, but if you looked at the world from my perspective, you would see that everything is much darker than that. It's just like the description of my dreams I gave a moment ago: "pretty dark with a light-ish mood." That makes me a very somber yet a more or less happy character. I'm oxymoronic. I don't think that's a word, but it makes complete sense to be one, and it describes who I am very well. Anyhow, learning these things about myself is causing me to learn more about the characters I'm writing. I definitely have a much clearer image of who the characters are and what their stories are now.

The only thing left is to find motivation. I will forever quote my brother: "You aren't lazy. You just lack motivation." What's great about that quote is that it gives hope that there is a chance for motivation while just saying you're lazy makes you sound hopeless. They are the same thing, but just saying you lack motivation is more motivation in and of itself than saying you're lazy is. I'm eager for what my writing with behold me.

"Blood is on the table and their mouths are choking, but I'm going hungry, yeah. . ."