Snails Don't Really Explode, Don't Worry

#11 ~~ November 14, 2015 ~~ The Girl, City and Colour

Video games can be emotionally draining--the best ones at least. I just finished playing Assassin's Creed: Black Flag and (SPOILER ALERT: DON'T READ ANYTHING IN BOLD IF YOU DON'T WANNA KNOW) man, Denae cried. Like I can't even with that last scene! Especially when Edward looks over at the table and sees all of his friends he ever loved all sitting together having a good time like he wanted to have always been. He totally knows that it was his fault they were all dead and looks at the image of all of those friends one last time, ready to move on. And I freaking got so attached to all those guys. My friends kept telling me to skip this game, because it was more like pirate simulator rather than Assassin's Creed, and after I beat the game I ranted to him about what terrible advice that was to give me. He was basically saying the wonderful characters of the game weren't worth playing through it. Well, it was worth it, and the death of every character was heartbreaking--especially that of Mary "James Kidd" Read and Thatch "Blackbeard." What made that scene even more emotional for me was Anne singing in the background, singing about spending of one's riches all in good company and then at the same time, the images of all those friends you ended up killing or was the reason for their death--AGHHH I CAN'T EVEN DRAW THEM--I was gonna draw the scene of them all at the table like that, but I couldn't even look at their damn faces, I was too emotionally drained.

Another game that emotionally drained me was Undertale. I didn't play that game, but damn did I love the characters and the story and everything, holy shit. I watched Game Grumps play it on Steam Train all the way through with a pacifist run and it was wonderful. Actually it even freaked me out to the point where I had to look up the genre of the game to see whether it was a horror game or not. Well, as far as I've researched, it isn't, but damn. Not spoiling anything, but damn. Barry and Ross of Game Grumps who played the game put up a poll on Twitter of whether they should play the Genocide run on the Youtube channel or a stream, and the Youtube channel uploads got the most votes, so I'm anxiously waiting for that. And I will then be even more emotionally drained, because that means killing every character you fell in love with in the pacifist run.

Besides that, I've started working out. I jog/speed walk for 4 miles on the beach everyday, starting 5 days ago. Since I'm 18 now, I've been afraid of my incredible metabolism giving way and me gaining a lot of weight since Denae always sits around, lays around, plays video games, snacks, and does whatever on her laptop all the time.

Oh and I'm trying to be less of an asshole to that one friend of mine who goes to the same high school with my sister--the one I said was annoying me and I annoyed him likewise (but not likewise at all, honestly. We annoy each other in completely opposite ways). I had this weird dream with the three of us together. I don't even remember what happened, but it made me feel, when I woke up that morning from the dream, that I should try to be more chill. Not that Denae isn't already chill, I just tend to be too brutally honest. Then again if I'm not so honest, then how am I supposed to help anyone, ya feel? Basically I think he just takes my advice as a sucker punch to the face. Which I suppose makes sense since I love satire and that's literally what satire is (I mean, not that it does punch you, but that it gives that effect). Anyway, I just ask him how he's doing sometimes and get on Skype with him.

Last night when I was Skyping with him, that guy in Florida I liked (or maybe still like? I dunno, I have mixed feelings) called me, and my friend understood when I had to leave, since my friend in Florida and I hardly talk anymore, and also that it was the rarest occasion that he should be calling me, or even messaging me first. So I answered his call and he continued to call me a penis and make jokes about doing my mom or something. He kept wanting to do things with me, but every time I told him what we should do, we didn't even end up doing it. Also, at the time he called me it was around 9pm and I had gotten too tired to do much since I go to the beach in the evening to run around. But I was thinking, if he actually wanted to do something with me so badly as it seemed he was asking, he would've gotten the link to the Rick and Morty episode we could have watched together, instead of telling me to get it even though I didn't know what episode we were on. So in short, I don't think he really wanted to do anything. He just called me because. . .well I don't know why. Maybe he still likes me. Maybe this is the first instance where I stop liking the other person first. I don't feel like this would make sense in our relationship though considering his upfront personality compared to mine--and me who ended up liking him first, maybe even soon after I met him, I don't remember, me who is so clingy. I'm just thinking maybe our relationship with each other changed both of us. Or maybe I've changed and he hasn't. I dunno. He made note to me before that I don't know him as well as I might think I do, so I shouldn't be making assumptions about how he feels. He's definitely right about the overthinking thing though. Every relationship I have is a learning experience, and with that, something about me always changes, and never in a negative way.

And a confession I have, I honestly miss the characters in Black Flag so much more right now than him. I do miss him though. I always enjoy his company; he's a pretty great guy after all. I hope to meet more like him in the adult world. It's hard to come by people like him here in this polluted, high class city.

"While I'm off chasing my own dreams, sailing around the world, please know that I'm yours to keep, my beautiful girl. . ."