Snails Don't Really Explode, Don't Worry

#16 ~~ November 17, 2016 ~~ Soliton, Steam Powered Giraffe

Holy shit it's been forever since I've been on here. Okay so it's mostly because I felt like if I would write here then I would have to update my story and I was being mega indecisive about how the story should continue--I've almost gotten it though. BUT that's not why I'm back on here. I can't flipping sleep and I'm in a super duper writing mood right now. This week has been too full of emotions and driving me crazy. I'm usually quite apathetic but damn did everything hit me emotionally this past week.

I officially became part of a club that's making a video game--a club that belongs to the high school I would have gone to if I had stayed in Texas and not left all of the people I loved 5 years ago. One of my friends who I went to middle school with but never met while going to school and only over Facebook--that guy contacted me during the beginning of winter and he is a really close friend of mine now. He invited me to the club and I became the concept artist and writer. So when I became part of the club I went to a meeting over Skype and realized how awesome those people are compared to the jerks here in California where I live now. It was so easy to talk to everybody and I didn't get any bad vibes like I usually do. And after that thing happened I was thinking, "If I'm able to come into contact with people I could have been classmates with, why can't I come into contact with all the guys I was friends with since elementary?"

So I set up a group chat on Facebook with every single guy I still love up to now. There are so many of them. I grew up with these guys and have the fondest memories with them. A couple of them responded to me as well telling me how it was nice to hear from me again, and another apologized to me for not contacting me after I moved away because he became overwhelmed. I started crying. Those guys don't use the internet very much so I wasn't expecting them to message me at all--and two of them did. I broke.

I was already broken this week from David Bowie dying. That guy is such an inspiration to me and inspired so many other people who also inspire me--like Jeffree Star, Marilyn Manson, My Chemical Romance--man if David Bowie hadn't stood up and sent the messages he did to the public, if he hadn't inspired people the way he did--if he didn't inspire Gerard Way, and thus My Chemical Romance the way he did, I dunno how different things would be for me now. My Chemical Romance helped me through years of depression and it all ties back to amazing people like Gerard Way and then David Bowie.

This week started off with me randomly deciding to listening to David Bowie's music. I had this wonderful urge to listen to his music. As I was listening to Space Oddity, I suddenly began realizing that it sounded a lot like Bowie was telling a story of a man's journey into death. A couple days after I realized this, I learned he had died. So the feels hit super hard. And not so much he had died, but seeing how much he had inspired the world and how many people had celebrated his life. That man had died beautifully. He was a beautiful man, and Ziggy Stardust will live on forever in his music.

The day after he had died, I was in the living room and saw my mom watching a Sylvester Stallone movie. It came to me--"Sylvester Stallone is 69, the same age Bowie was when he passed. Alan Rickman is also 69. One of them is gonna die soon aren't they? No, they can't, or else it would be some sick joke of reality." A couple days later I learned Alan Rickman dies at the age of 69 of cancer just like David Bowie. Feels. Hit. Me.

And I found out about both of these deaths through Gerard Way's Twitter. Man I just--so many feels for such an apathetic person as myself. Then I beat Skyward Sword again yesterday and man the end of that game is feely as fuck. And then on top of that, coming into contact with my childhood friends again. Then the smallest things started hitting me. On Facebook, Alternative Press posted an old picture of old-school Fall Out Boy with their lyrics as the caption: "You were the last good thing about this part of town." So now I'm thinking back to old times and shit and I'm getting all this somber nostalgia. In the group chat with the three friends I'm closest to now, I had like an hour of emotional breakdown of me just ranting about my favorite memories of me and my friends in Texas.

My dreams have become much or vivid this week as well and I think that all these emotions I haven't felt for the longest time have all hit at once. I also practiced a bunch of clarinet and guitar when practicing isn't a thing I do much of. They have also caused my brain to start churning vivid ideas in my awake life as well and so I've come up with so many ideas for things to write and things like that. And all these creative juices are kind of bursting out of me at the speed at which I can type. So that's why I'm writing this right now. I'm so tired that I'm about to faint, but my urge to write has kept me up long enough to type all of this. Yes, it is very early in the morning the day I'm writing this. So my conclusion from this week is that being an emotional wreak brings the creativity out of me and causes my acne to break out.  And I'm actually in a really good mood despite it all, because it feels great to be writing again--doing art.

"Even when the sky is falling, back to you I'll travel and escape with. No matter how many times it should be I'll keep you moving on. . . like a soliton. .  . "