Tiny Dancer {Jalex}

Purgatory Part 2 (TW)

Trigger warning!!
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I leave my barstool before the bartender says "are you gonna order anything, kid?" I think he knows I'm younger than the age requirement but I say "beck's" and he nods. I make my way over to the table that the posse were gathered at (and Jack excluded from). I gesture over to jack "hey, man." I say quietly. He becomes alert, I lead and he follows. Once we sit down together he turns to me and says "uhh....hi?"
"Don't act so surprised." I say
"Is the government watching?" I couldn't tell if he was joking or not "no," I shift in my seat, turning towards him slightly "I wanted to save you from humiliation." He looks at me, says "thanks." And turns away, hiding his small and vulnerable face. Damn, the way he hides his face from me only makes me feel remorse. One more chance at whatever we are, or whatever we wanted to be, just to be able to feel your pain slip away, just like that, even if it is just for a moment I couldn't have thought of a better place, better time or even a better person to spend that night with, for that matter. I turn to him and "sorry," pours out of my mouth. All apologies, left and right, front and centre.
He tells me that everything I said didn't need to be said and that it was nothing to be sorry for. Even if he just avoided me for a day, I can't begin how to explain that it felt like an eternity. Jack turns to me and the most sympathetic, no, empathetic gaze that made my joints weak was expelled from his face. I don't know if it was me, the night highs or the alcohol that made me do it but I did it. I kiss him. I don't care if he tastes like alcohol, his face is covered in sweat (and I think tears?) and I didn't care that his brother and his friends were probably staring, but he did. He promptly and slightly violently pushed me away. His weak arms still leaving me winded. The whole bar falls silent and the entire room has its eyes on me. I swear even the walls have a part in this. I keep my head down as I hear the door of the bar shut. There was hardly any dialogue between us tonight, but there were certainly lots of emotion. And like all bartenders do now and again, he tells me "cheer up kid he was never worth it anyway." But he was worth it, he is worth it. Talking isn't easy, but that's life,
Sometimes you've gotta do things you really don't want to and I know that's a dad thing for me to say but if you think about it it's really, really true. I rest my head on the bar top for a while before making a sharp intake of breath, snatching my beer and storming out the door behind him. In his hand is a concealed whatever but I can tell it's not anything to be pleased about. As his eyes stared at me there was something about the way he did it that resembled death, my first thought was that it's a wish for my death but in the moment I saw the silver teardrop fall made it clear that it wasn't my death he lusted after, it was his own. His lips quiver as I watch and do nothing, I don't know what to do I've never been in a situation like this before my life is boring as hell. He suddenly leans forward slowly and then starts to let out a loud mourning wail, like someone stabbed him like a million times. As he heads towards me I impulsively open my arms and be just...sort of falls into my chest...crying... Ok now I really don't know what to do, there is a crying boy in my arms, much like the time there was a cute, shivering boy in my arms but now everything has been taken away. Now it's just Jack. "I can't go," he chokes "I can't go in there without them screaming and throwing things at me." He raises his head but then I start to stroke his hair like a dog. I don't know if this is socially acceptable but he seems to be relaxed by it so I continue. Once he pulls his arm away to wipe his eyes he reveals a small glistening object made of metal, it's thin and gleaming as his hand trembles around it. Pulling the sleeve of his hoodie up he also reveals a series of red lines and a bloodstained fore arm. As I view the helpless mess before me, I pull him closer and my voice starts to shake from my misty eyes "okay, kitten, you listen to me and listen good," I didn't feel stable anymore as soon a the tear ran down my cheek follows by another "if every time you took your arm and did that to yourself and you pretend that it's my arm, what would you do? Would you hurt me? Because that's what it does. It hurts me. And I know that you're thinking "what the fuck does this asshole know about what I'm going through?! What a dick" And you're right, I don't, and if you're also thinking "I thought this guy didn't feel anything when we were messing around he said we were experimenting." And in the heat of the moment I gulp and my voice breaks "well, he does. Guess fucking what I like you a lot, goddammit and that is what I feel about now." He stares at me with his mouth ever so slightly open and his eyes were the size of the moon and before I knew it his lips were pressed up against my neck. I smile and so does he, I take a swig of my beer and he pulls me behind the building. Everything I felt before came flooding back to me. Holy shit I like this guy, I like him a fuckload. I decide to take domination and push him up against the wall of a dark alley. No hobos as far as I can see. Being as awkward as fuck usually, for me, this wasn't bad. I started to bite at his neck and his earlobes and I enjoyed it as a slip my hand into his pants and started feeling my way around, listening to him squeak and purr like a kitten. At this point I think we're both completely pissed so I decide to take off his belt and tie it around his neck "good kitty." I growl and start taking both his and my shirt off. We both start making out vigorously and I make my way down his chest, biting at his nipples, thrusting my hips towards him while getting down lower until I unbutton his pants, and the last thing I remember of that night is hearing  him whine and moan like a desperate girl and it really turning me on. And that's all. I was too pissed to remember anything that followed.