Tiny Dancer {Jalex}

Embrace it.

All my feelings seem to disappear. His eyes no longer belong to him, nor his laugh or even his body. To me it belongs to Joe. Everything he does somehow relates back to Joe.
I think if I get some rest I might feel a little different in the morning.

That next day I sit in solitude in the lunch hall waiting for Jack so I can talk about the situation but he doesn't show up. I try to find him in various places like the dance hall, but I guess he's sick. The days after that I avoid him, due to my un-faced fear of confronting him about his brother (if he even has one). but as we pass one another in the hall, he smiles but then I quickly turn away to indicate my disinterest.

I'm sorry, Jack.

By this time, I have already just assumed Jack is joes brother without even having to ask. As for the distancing streak, we say hi to each other but nothing more. If this is the way life is going to be, I might as well embrace it.

I am about to walk into calculus. At this point I usually wait for someone to sit by, but instead I  feel a tug on my sweater and a body press into me. I tense up for a moment and now I'm thinking "what the hell is that save me oh sweet Jesus." But then I look round to find that its Jack. He looks at me. I look at him. He says: "c-can I s-sit next to you?" In a small shivering voice. Now he's just a shivering mess in my arms. As unexpected as it is, I can't tell if this is a nice feeling or not but I'm definitely feeling some things. It's somewhere along the lines of "there's a small boy shivering in my arms." No, wait, there's Jack, a small, cute boy, shivering in my arms. I tighten my grip on him, stunned as to what was happening in this present moment. I lean down to rest my cheek on the top of his head and he pushes himself into me more. By now class has started and we're still outside. I've never skipped class this way before but I think I like this. Yeah, I like this.

So after a while we actually go inside and attend the class, but instead of doing work we just decide to end up talking. For a while it's pretty light conversation like "what do you do for a pass time?" Or "what bands do you like?" But then it's gets real deep. "What do you plan to do with your life?" He asks me. God how am I supposed to know I'm only 16 I have no huge life ambitions. But one of them is to finally get laid. If you thought I was the kind of guy who has carefree-no-strings-attached sex then you're probably mistaking me for someone else (Joe) but don't get me wrong, I'm not asexual I'm just (probably) gay I think. (And yes I'm still a virgin despite all the lies to make people think I'm cool)
I continue to smile at Jack, interested in what he wanted to do with his life. So I tell him; "nothing much. I've never thought about it really. What about you?" He shakes his head. I'm in complete shock. "So, why did you ask the question in the first place?" I make a miniature laugh. I begin to look into his eyes and then realise I'm actually looking into someone's eyes and then look away again while he insists that's the best way to get to know people. I could tell he doesn't have much social experience. It must have been hard the way he grew up being into everything all the mainstream straight boys would make fun of and how hurtful that must have been throughout his childhood. But how wonderful would it must be to have that one great friend to hold onto, someone you know wouldn't leave you even if they tried. The stars to the astronomer, the mountains to the mountaineer, the entrepreneur-ing stuff to the entrepreneur. I aim to be that one friend he has, even if it kills me. I have complete empathy to fall into. My life is a short one so I may as well try and get some "Good Samaritan" points out of it. Who knows, maybe I'll end up liking this kid.

Throughout the day, we talked and talked and pretty much did nothing else. After I found out how much we had in common it was almost kinda certain he'd be a better friend that Joe. As it came towards the end of the day I decided to kick it up a notch, and asked him over to mine. He said: "sure why not I don't know if you'd want me thought I'm kind of a burden." A simple "sure." Would have been ok. But I found what he said to be kind of endearing. Then there was a pause before he told me that he isn't good with people. I dismiss it as a self-deprecating comment and carry on with walking down the hallway side by side. We eventually make our way out of the building, being caught in the student "rush hour". Whilst proceeding to be pushed into various alumni, I realise I have nothing to grab onto but the only person I can turn to who is near enough (and someone who wouldn't beat me to a pulp for making contact with them) was Jack so I grapple for his arm or maybe his shoulder and instead I grab his hand but immediately let go after realising just what exactly I had grabbed. We both spit out a jumble of inaudible words and some flustered mutters both of us not making eye contact for a while. As soon as we escaped the tsunami of bodies, we ran over to the sycamore tree sheltering the sidewalk Joe was waiting for us on. "So I see you found my brother..." Joe began "how is he for you? Not to..gay?"
"Joe," I mutter stubbornly "be nice, man." I give a little (I refuse to say affectionate) nod in the direction of Jack. He smiled down at his feet again. By the looks of it, this kid doesn't get any ford of compliment or defence at all. It seems like joe doesn't even really care all that much. "Hey, uh, Joe, I was wandering if you had anything going on with Jack tonight and was wondering weather he could join me for dinner?" Joe looks at me and proceeds to laugh hysterically "what?" I say "what's so funny?" When he eventually wipes the tears of laughter from his cheeks he stares at me and says "I never have anything to do with my brother....ever." Jack looks up "he's right, man." I shoot a cold glare over at the small boy's taller brother and walk away with Jack by my side. "Whatever, man!" The taller barakat calls after me however, I don't look back.

After walking beside Jack for a while, I realise that I've only ever been friends with Joe. I've never had any other friends, thus I don't know how to act. I turn to him, wanting to ask him about something we both share an interest in, but Instead under pressure, my mouth wanted me to say "so how did you know you were gay?" So guess what I did. This wasn't the first stupid thing I've said to someone about a touchy subject. He draws an enormous sigh and says "how do you know the sky is blue?" I now realised I've probably fucked this up big time but I decide to stay strong and keep my mouth shut. "I'm sorry," I say "it's just tha-" he interrupts "no, it's fine I'm used to it." He just smiles at me and he noticeably gets closer to me as we walk and strangely, I don't mind.