Tiny Dancer {Jalex}

Take care of him.

I wake up in an alleyway with an elongated teenager draped over me. He yawned all small like, and it was then I realised that it was Jack. I picked him up from upon my Lap and woke him up gradually "hey, kitten." I smiled "morning." He said in a voice I could only describe as small. Everything about him was small. He was a child. I grapple for his arm and kiss the scars as he snuggles his head into my shoulder. It didn't occur to me until now that I am currently completely naked and to get my clothes I would have to walk past a now present hobo to collect, but I'm living in the present and I'm going to make the most of it. I smell the sweet scent of his hair and play with it for a while. It dawned upon me that whilst we've both been on and off and we've only known each other for two or three weeks but I think last night I did all the work rather than the alcohol "Jack," I begin. He nods "do you ever think about hooking up with anyone?" He shakes his head "I've actually just gotten out of a 3 year relationship with this guy called Emmanuel but everyone called him L. Long story short, he was really thin and he had blue quite long and shaggy hair with bold glasses, I gave him everything but it turns out the whole thing was a setup." I pull him closer to me and kiss his face all over, in different places each time. "I'm so sorry," I whisper, over and over again. "I'm damaged, Alex." He gives a heavy sigh and then I say "but could I change your mind?" He looks away "I'm sorry," I then look away. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but quickly shut it, so I begin to speak. "Jack...I think we can give this a shot. It'll take your mind off Elle or what ever his name is."
"It's just L as in the letter." I tip my head back and sigh "I fuckin' like you, Jack. Like, a fucktonne." Jack looks at me "I like you a fucktonne too." And then come the; "but..." He thinks for a while "I'm sorry I can't do this. I can't be your lover. At least not now. I'll let you know when I'm ready. I'm sorry. I like you."
Our eyes interlock "can I at least kiss you one last time?" I ask "it would be sad of you not to kiss me goodbye." and I do so. I kiss him one last time and this time it was a long, smooth kiss. I was in space, I felt like the whole world around us was a heavenly choir and then our lips parted for the very last time. "I will always like you a fucktonne." I say "yeah." Says Jack and we both collect our clothes from the separate sides of the alleyway. "Which one of us do you think the hobo will leap at and do what I did last night to one of us?" I joke.
"Alex,"
"Sorry..." I interrupt.
My mom gets back today. Which is convenient as I have nothing to hide like, I dunno, screwing Jack once she comes home. Distracted from my thoughts Jack kissed me on the cheek and told me to keep safe, which was unusual since nobody has ever told me that when they've dumped me. In fact, I don't think he even dumped me, it was just rejection. We weren't anything, at least not that I knew of. We did it twice, once out of loneliness and once out of being hammered (but that time I actually felt like for him, though I couldn't deny I felt something the first time.) but then again, he told me when he'd be 'ready' which I'm not sure entirely means anything but maybe he's waiting for me. Who knew that him waiting for me would end up as me waiting for him. I trudge home through the dew ridden streets probably reeking of alcohol and sex (if that even has a smell). It turns out that I have nothing to do at all today except leave myself alone with my thoughts in the comfort of my own room, maybe IM Joe or something on AOL but all he talks to me about lately is this Adèle girl he's screwing at the moment, and he's talking to me; the probably-gay-but-Joe-doesn't-actually-know-anything-but-is-suspicious guy who's only ever had sex twice with the same dude. I can't tell if I'm a loser or a gay God, but since I'm probably gay, to Joe, regardless, im a loser. I don't even know why we became friends in the first place.
I search for the keys in my back pocket but obviously they're not there because I left them at school. Well done, me, adult points x100. I curl up with my back against the door waiting for my Lord and saviour: momther. I think me and joe first became friends I when we were 9 years old and playing on the little league Baltimore baseball team, everyone thought he was older or something because he was so incredibly tall and when he joined everyone tried to guess how old he was and I was the first one to get it right and I guess we became friends then, but then his family went through some tough shit and Joe got so fucking messed up and apparently I helped him through it but when it was happening he found out drugs were a thing so, you know, you find, you use. We were only about 13 or 14 at the time and ever since Joe was addicted to dope, it made him irritable and antsy and as the years passed we grew further and further apart but the only thing that kept us close were the old memories we had together and the fact that I didn't have any other friends. But about 2 years ago was the first time I heard about his brother, AKA the bane of my very existence, when he tried to kill himself and ended up in hospital, nevertheless surviving and not one single piece of me wishes that he hadn't. But then there's the fact that one day, one way or another, Joe is going to find out what happened between me and his brother or what will happen between us in the future if, in fact, anything happens, that is.
The sun begins to reach the highest point in the sky so in guessing it's noon, I hear the spit of my moms car engine. Good god, I've never been so glad to see her in my life "mom mom mom mom keys keys keys keys." I repeat rhythmically "what happened to yours?" I impatiently wait for the literal key to salvation "at school, no time to talk gotta run."
"Okay..." She says with her eyes wide open "don't fall over, hon." She calls after me. I jolt up the stairs, past my moms room, the guest room (tom's old room) then down to my pigpen with one patch of floor around a desk with my computer on it. That afternoon I look up weird shit on get rights progress and then gay discrimination and riots and homophobia, I'm probably gonna get a lot of shit from people when they find out, so I better prepare for the worst when it goes wrong and gets leaked. I could resort to anything from being bullied about being gay but the one thing I won't resort to is suicide. Since I've seen how Tom's death left my whole family in pieces, my mom, my dad and my step mom and I couldn't bear so see my parents go through that again. I couldn't even attempt either, I'd be too scared that I would actually die which would mean I couldn't come back and have a second shot at life. I have now taken into account how serious suicide is and man, it's bumming me out. So I decide to IM Joe

Doublejoeseven: Alex?

Alextrashsgarth: Joe?

Doublejoeseven: oh so you are alive?

Alextrashskarth: barely

Doublejoeseven: rough day?

Alextrashskarth: I can cope okay with hangovers. Can I ask you a question?

Doublejoeseven: ok

Alextrashskarth: on a scale of stoning to genocide, how much do you hate gay people?

Doublejoeseven: Alex, although it's kind of gross putting your thing in another dudes asshole, I don't hate gays, I hate my brother.

Alextrashsgarth: oh, ok but why he seems fine

Doublejoeseven: he's a fuckin pussy, man. It's not just that it's the fact he's so annoying and, I don't know, I just really hate him. Even though I hate him, he is my brother and I like him in the way that he's my brother and I'm forced to love him and I need to protect him or else my parents will probably blame me for every bad that happens to him, so that's why I wanted you to take care of him, not hook up with him.

And somehow he knew.