Your Little Stark

Ch•14- Stressed Out

     The yellow school bus had just dropped me off at my house from school, and it was slowly fading away down the street. Pepper couldn't pick me up today because she had some work to do for Dad. School is still very challenging for me, academically I'm fine, socially, it's hard.

     Attention is the main reason why I'm struggling. Everybody, students and teachers, treat me like a snobby rich girl or a celebrity. It's only gotten worse over the year. Dad has been all over the news lately for his behavior. Like how he showed up at the Disney concert hall, or how he's been lying low since then. Conspiracy theories are floating around, like the reason he hasn't been spotted is because he's dead or something. It's just some crazy crap that Pepper has told me to ignore.
Jarvis greeted me once I stepped inside the house "Hello Miss. Stark" His voice filled the living room. I breathed, happy to be away from school and in my little sanctuary.

     "Hey Jarvis. How are ya?" I walked to the living room, tossing my book bag onto the couch. A cup of lemonade sat on the coffee table with a purple swirly straw. I'm guessing Pepper set that out for me. I smiled, taking the cup. The house was once again quiet. I kicked a soccer ball around the room as Jarvis and I spoke together.

"I'm doing well today ma'am, how was school?"

"Eh, I've had better days" I sipped my lemonade "Dads downstairs I guess?"

"As usual" Jarvia replied.

    I rubbed my face, feeling extremely tired all of the sudden. The floral daisy sweater I was wearing, the one that my Mom use to wear, made me feel all cozy. The fabric still smelled like her. I breathed in the scent and hugged myself "I'll be downstairs if you need me Jarvis" I smiled softly "I mean, you're technically all over the house so it doesn't matter where I go... whatever" I started down the spiral stairs two by two till I reached the garage.

     The workshop was a lot darker looking than it usually is. The glass walls that separated the hallway and workshop at had been destroyed at one point, so now I could just walk in. Dad sat at his desk, messing with some of his holograms boringly. I entered the room with a tired smile "Hi"

     "What do you want?" He asked, leaning his back against the seat that he was sitting in, an annoyed look crossed his face. I immediately stopped in my tracks, the smile faded from my lips. There was some bad energy floating around in this room. Dad was the center of it "What do you want?" He asked again, raising his voice higher this time. I sucked in my cheek.

    "I just came down here to say Hi, hang out, like I usually do" I headed towards my stool where I always sit, at the front of his work table. He seemed to glare at me as I did so. This was strange, he usually lets me down here without conflict.

    "Can you just go somewhere? I don't care where it is. Don't you have friends or something? Just leave me alone!" He slammed his hand down on the table. I was surprised by the sternness in his voice. My hands were wrapped around the cup of lemonade awkwardly.

"What's your problem?" I mumbled.

    Dad bolted up from his seat, causing me to take a couple steps back "What's my problem? What's your problem! Why are you always coming down here? This is my workshop not yours! You're always getting in the way of my things. A lot of the time I don't even want you around. But you just continue to be a little shit. I almost feel bad... actually, I shouldn't even feel bad for you, I lost my parents too. And you want to know what my problem is? My closest friend is selling my weapons to terrorist. You can see why I'm a little stressed out at the moment. So, if you could please leave me or GET LOST"

    I squeezed my lips together in a thin line, he's never yelled at me like that before, which makes this hurt even more. I threw my plastic cup of lemonade on the floor, yelling "I HATE YOU" and ran upstairs, tripping on the steps a couple times before I made it to the living room. I ran all the way to my room, slammed the door shut, and buried myself in the pillow. An angry scream escaped my trembling lips. I wanted to cry, I wanted to cry about everything.

     Not just because of him, but because of Mom, my teacher, the whole terrorist thing, and of course Dad. The day was going fine so far, a little shaky on the edges, but nothing I couldn't handle. Then, all the sudden he just goes off like that. How could he say that to me? Doesn't he know that it hurts? The only reason I seek his attention is because I need it. He's all I have. Pepper is there, but she's not my mother, she's just a friend. I need a father, I need my Dad. All he wants to do his push me away. I bet he wishes that I was never born, so he wouldn't have to deal with me.

     I grabbed hold on the white tiger stuffed animal on my bed, the one my Mom gave me. The tiger smelled like her as well, giving me so many memories. Memories that I will never speak of to anyone, they will stay in the dark corners of my brain forever. Let's be honest, it's not like anyone would listen if I wanted to speak.

    My day had just went from good to terrible. Ugh, Dad made me so furious. I just want to punch him in nose. Tears started to drip on my pillow, but I wiped them away. I had to be strong.

    The Captain America book that I've been reading everyday sat on my nightstand, it laid open to page 107, waiting to be read. I closed the book to look at the cover. There he was, Captain America, saluting me, telling me to be strong.

    I sighed "I wish I could talk to you, Captain"
Sadly it's just a book, and Steve died almost 70 years ago. Part of me was truly sad about his death. I wish I could have met him. I'd ask him so many questions that his ear would fall off. At least he'd listen to me, unlike Dad. I groaned, hugging the book to my chest "Got any heroic tips you could tell me?" I asked. No answer, of course not. I hate this place, I hate this house.

      This isn't my home, I'll never belong here. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever really belonged anywhere. My mother and I were always drifters, we had only recently settled down, then she died. Then my life was chaotic again. All I want to do right now is runaway, runaway back to the arms of my mother. Sadly, that dream is already behind me, buried under the tombstone with her. A glum, aching feeling settled in my gut, making me feel sick.
Does he really hate me? Does he know how much I need him?

     These past few months have been hard, I'm scared. His harsh words still lingered in my mind. He feels bad for me? I don't want him to feel bad for me, that makes me feel small, helpless, that's the last thing I want.
I remembered the first time I laid eyes on my father. He limped down the plane ramp, clutching to Rhodey's arm for support. My Mom barely spoke about him at all, so I knew absolutely nothing about him. He didn't even seem to notice me as I stood there, next to Pepper, waiting for him to look at me. He completely looked over me as if I was an ant. It was an awful feeling, the feeling of not being good enough. Not being able to make your own Father proud of you.

     I sighed and rolled off the bed. Maybe I should run away, I thought. I can find a nice family in LA or something, maybe Will Smith will adopt me. Or even Angelina Jolie, she seems to adopt a lot of people.

     I walked over to the window that over looked the Pacific Ocean. The red-orange sun was setting under the fiery water, purple clouds dotted the sky like a painting. Not even the sound of crashing waves on the rocks below could drown at the loud voices in my head.

"I'm sorry, Jessi. Your mother passed away earlier this morning"

No, stop! I covered my ears, but it only made the voices louder.

"She was gunned down while she was away at work, it killed her instantly..."

     I jumped back to my bed and covered myself with the blanket. It's all in my head. You can control it "Leave me alone, brain" I spoke out loud to my head "take a hike or whatever" I pulled the pillow over my head. My brain kept forcing all the bad memories to come afloat. How did this all happen? I lived a normal life, my Mom and Me. I never had a Dad in my life so it's not like I felt a loss for him. He was never there, it was just my Mom and I, and I was happy.

Then, everything changed.

    I don't remember falling asleep, it just sort of happened sometime during the night. No dreams came into my mind, it was all quiet in my brain tonight. Through the silence, a small, faint ringing noise pierced my ear drum. It startled me and I sprung awake from my slumber. The ring vibrated around my brain, blood pumped in my temple and I felt faint. I covered my ears tight until the noise was gone.

    After about a minute, it was silent. The only noise was my clock clicking on the wall. I pulled my hands off my ears, wondering what that noise could have possibly been. The ringing itself was gone, but I did hear a voice.