eternal darkness of the mind

Execution Commentary

Dan's POV

A week passed and he only called once and it was to tell me that he landed safely. At least he remembered to call me at all, I thought he would've forgotten me by now. Anyway, I have decided to use my journal again so here it goes.

Dear journal?

I wore his jumper everyday this week. It's the only piece of Phil I could keep with me although it's loosing that distinct smell of him.

I hardly did anything at all. I'm going to compare this to an example. I guess it's like if you lost something in your house. at the start you try your best to find what you lost but after a while you give up because it's not worth it or simply because you've tried your best and you just can't find it. But then sometimes the thing you lost will come back out of nowhere and you realise that it was there all along on some stupid place like the kitchen table.

However in my case, I tried my best to find a way to keep Phil here but I lost him and I gave up because there was no way to be able to have him any longer. All I'm hoping for now is for him to show up one day out of nowhere. Like that thing you lost that was hidden under your nose all that time. I hope he comes back like that. One day soon.

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3 weeks since last entry

Dear journal,

Phil's dad is okay which is keeping him in a more happy mood although I can see that he's already changed. It's good that he got to spend Christmas with his family. Oh, and like he predicted, his jumper was my only present as I don't have many people in my life that actually care.

It's been one month already. I've made the decision to get a job. Not because I need the money but for the purpose of keeping myself busy. So I've taken a job at the flower shop down the street. It's only a few minutes walk away so I won't ever be late which with my history of lateness is a good thing. I'll update you with how that goes later. Hopefully I won't get fired.

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2 months since last entry

Dear journal,
I skyped Phil yesterday. He looked tired. I hadn't talked to him in a few days. He never leaves his dad's side. He said that the doctors told him his dad could live in between 6 months and 3 years which is stupid. Why can't they narrow it down so I know when I can have Phil back again.

I'm so fucking selfish I know but I'm just trying to focus on things to make me happy. I want to know when he'll be back.

We didn't talk for long. He doesn't really have the time anymore. Too preoccupied with his dad and the doctors like I said before. His mindset that once was so youthful is gone and now his mind is built up like a wall, letting nobody in. It wore him down. He's not the Phil that i knew. It still looked like him but his body language. The way he talked. It was all different. But he still said he would be there for me, even though he was so far away.

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7 months since last entry

Dear Journal,

why hello there journal it's been a while. A few months? I don't know anymore. I guess this is quite a big update. It's been 10 months, Nearly a year since he left, woah. And it seems I've fucked everything up.