previously
Now, what did you want to tell me Phil" Dan asked in a low voice.
Fuck. What should do I do now. I can't just say that I'm leaving after that. I don't know what to do.
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Dan's POV
I can't believe I did that. It's been years, why haven't I thought of doing that before. My eyes adjust to the darkness. he isn't smiling. He was a minute ago..
Wait.
Is he alright ?
He's red....
Did I do something wrong. Did I hurt him. what if I ruined everything. What if he runs away and forgets about me. What if he leaves me for someone else. What if he doesn't like me anymore.
"Phil, look at me. Say something. Are you alright" I ask.
"I'm so sorry" Phil says quietly and I can feel him look away.
What the fuck is he talking about. He shouldn't be sorry. I should be sorry. I'm the one who ruined this. I should be the one apologising. It's not his fault. I kissed him. I killed our friendship. He won't ever forgive me.
I'm sorry.
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Phil's POV
What do I say. I need to tell him but it's not the best time. He fucking kissed me and now I can't tell him.
I have two weeks. I thought I was going to tell him. I thought I would tell him and we would be able to spend time together before I left. Dan would already know that I would have to leave but we would still carry on as usual until the day I left, acting as usual. Now, it's going to be rushed, we will have less time together. It'll be a shock for Dan and then I'll have to leave, just like that.
He will hate me so much. I love him. I love him more than I can put into words, but he won't love me back. I know he won't love me back. He kissed me. I loved it. My heart is racing but after this? He may not want to love me. I'm 25, I don't want to leave, but I have to, and I'm sure we'll keep talking. Skype as we both know, saves lives. And we will be able to visit each other, it's only a few thousand miles, it's not that far.
"Dan. Hey, I'm alright, don't be worried I'm okay" I say softly. Dan looks worried. Or sad. I have no idea.
"Phil, are you alright. Really? Now what did you want to tell me, before... Y'know..." Dan asked.
I don't want to tell him. Not now, not after this. It's not the right place. It's not the right time. But he wants to know, and I want to be honest with him, I always have but it'll ruin whatever we have going right now. But if not now, then when? I planned to tell him tonight and I don't know when I'll see him next.
"Phil? Hey Phil, have you zoned out?? Phil. PHIL. Come on, what did you want to say?" Dan said, he was probably questioning why I looked slightly distant.
"Oh that? It's nothing, don't you worry about it. It's nothing important, it was just a silly thing, it's nothing, really." I tried to say without hinting sadness. I didn't want to lie to him but he was my best friend I couldn't hurt him.
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eternal darkness of the mind
قصص الهواةDan loves his best friend but when he gathers the courage to tell him, Phil leaves the country, leaving Dan alone and heartbroken. But will Phil ever come back? If he does, how will he react when he sees what changed when he was away ? And was it a...
