eternal darkness of the mind

The Small Print

Dan's POV

It's been a few weeks since I really felt happy... I know I need someone to talk to, anyone at all. I've tried talking to a therapist again, but that didn't work. I mean, it's not their fault, but I don't open up to people easily.

My problem is that I want to talk to someone but I can't. I have my best friend Phil and I haven't even told him yet. I could talk to him but I don't want to bother him with my problems. He has enough problems of his own already, and anyway, how could he help me? He's just another friend, right? He'll just laugh and brush it off like it's a joke and say "Dan, don't be silly, you're just a bit sad, have a laugh", like the others did.

Phil isn't like them though. He's always cared for me when no one else did. He missed his brother's party so he could help me when I was sick, bought me ice cream and had a movie marathon when my boyfriend broke up with me, even took me to get pizza when my dog died. he's not like the others but he's always so happy, cheery and positive and I don't want to change that. He won't be the Phil I cherish if I told him what I think if. He's the one person in my life who can make me feel just a bit okay, the person who gives me a bit of light in this world of eternal darkness.

If he ever left me; I don't know what I'd do.

Phil's POV

Another day finished. I'm not one to complain but this job is terrible. when I got this job, I thought I would be making coffee, not standing in the back washing the pots and plates. I mean, with this generation of technology , shouldn't there be gigantic metal cleaning machines that do everything for you? Wouldn't that be amazing!

I got off topic, I always do that. The day's over, finally. I shouldn't be complaining because it's a Friday and I get to go home, sleep and hopefully see Dan before I have to go pack. And that's another thing, I'm moving to America to look after my dad. I haven't told him yet, but I'm sure he'll be fine. He's one of the strongest and most independent people I've ever known and he'll understand and move on.

At least that's the Dan I knew when I first met him. I only noticed it recently but he's always just a bit more quiet than everyone else in the room. He's not as excited to do things anymore, and on top of that, he just looks tired all the time. I don't know what's up, but he hasn't told me which probably means it's nothing too bad because if something was up, he would tell me. He would right? Of course he would, I'm his best friend.

Dan's POV

Phil's supposed to come around tonight. He was talking to me over the phone on his lunch break earlier and he said he wanted to tell me something. He seemed scared, or anxious or concerned. I don't know the difference between anxiety and being normal anymore. They're both just a jumble of feelings now.

I should tell him something, but I'll just make him sad and his smile is the only thing that can make me smile. That sounds fucking cheesy and gay. I'm not a sappy gay. Am I? Pfft, I don't even "like" my best friend because that would be weird. Yeah. weird. But is it that weird?

SHIT.
My room is a mess, again. I haven't been feeling in the mood to do anything lately, but Phil is priority. I'll do it for him, that pretty loser. I need to get my mind together before he comes around. Also, I need to stop procrastinating. I need to clean my fucking room.