Chapter 10: Guilt Can Eat You Alive

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Well that is....brutal. I didn't mean it you know literally. Anyway I would like to thank Courtney202010 she gave me this idea to put it in Jasper's POV. She couldn't decide weather Blaise should forgive him or not which maybe you guys couldn't either. So here it is.

I woke up to a bright light. Am I dead? In heaven? I sat up and saw I was naked. WTH. My head was killing me. I looked around. This is not my house. I saw my clothes on the ground.

"$hit!" I said and then I held my head. "Where am I?" I said.

Why the hell am I naked. $hit I had sex didn't I? I don't remember a damn thing. I slipped on my boxers and jeans. I walked to I guess the bathroom. I was putting on my shirt but stopped. I had lot's of scratches on me. I guess I was on top. If it was a girl she'd still be in bed. But it looked like these scratches were ment to hurt me. On my arm it looked like I bled there.

"No more drinking for me." I said as I pulled over my shirt.

I looked up again and realized I had a black eye. WTF. Did I get into a fight? Damn it, I have school. I left the house and went driving straight to school.

"I am sooo late." I said as I put some stuff on my eye to cover up the bruise.

I walked in the school. People we're staring at me. Why me? I saw Blaise and Cody. Something flashed in my head. A memory? My eyes widen. I.... I was about to walk past them. I feel sick. Cody stopped me. He punched me. I fell and my mouth started to bleed. A crowd? I heard voices but didn't hear them clearly except Cody's.

"I found the raper." Cody said.

So it is true? Oh god. I stood up and Blaise said something and looked at me. I looked away. I feel like I'm gonna throw up. I blocked out the voices. I glanced at Cody then Blaise. I want to leave now. Ralph stopped me with an uninviting smile and he kneed me. I held onto my stomach. $hit. I started coughing trying to breathe for air.

"Okay I'm sorry I was drunk!" I yelled.

Blaise looked at me in horror. I felt like $hit. I don't know how he feels but he fainted. My eyes widen. Everyone started screaming and running. Cody and Ralph ran to his side. I wanted to....but I'm a monster. I took his virginity. I stumbled as I got up.

And now here I am apologizing to him in his house. I don't belong here. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't forgive me. I wouldn't either. I'm disgusting. I don't want to be here. After he looks at everyone he looks at me. He stares at me. It felt like he was burning a hole in me. I squirmed at his gaze. Why do I hurt the person I love. Yeah....I love Blaise. And for some reason I just keep on making mistakes. I knew it was him when he got here. But I pretended I didn't. I knew he came back only for Ralph...... That son of a bitch. But he's better than me. So.....it's better.

"I forgive you."he said and I looked up at him.

"What?!" Ralph and Cody yelled.

I would of said the same thing if I wasn't in shock. I felt my eyes water. I took some steps forward and he just stared at me.

"Blaise I'm sorry for everything." I said and he nodded. I slammed down against his bed and cried. "I'm sooo sorry!" I cried. "I hate myself." I mumbled.

I felt his hand in my hair. "You and Ralph."he mumbled.

I lifted my head up. Ralph was staring at Blaise and so was Cody.

"Pain helps us get stronger right?"he asked looking at me with his eyes watery.

I nodded. This is why I loved him and still do. I stood up and wiped my face. I grabbed Ralph's arm.

"What the hell are you do-" he started to say.

But I can't have him.....

I pushed Ralph and he fell on Blaise. They kissed. Blaise's eyes slowly closed.

Because he loves Ralph.

I looked over to Cody and smiled weakly. He wiped his face.

And I'm not alone. Cosy and I are in the same boat.

"Don't cry." I whispered to him.

"I'm not. It's just....."he trailed off as he turned away and tears went down his face.

"I'll leave." I said as Ralph pulled away.

"It hurts." Cody mumbled as he grabbed his shirt where his heart was tightly.

"What does?" Blaise asked.

"My-My head." Cody answered quickly turning to look at Blaise.

"Ralph can you go get a towel and wet it?" Blaise said.

Ralph nodded and glanced at me before leaving.

"You don't have to." Cody mumbled as I left.

Love can suck. But it's also such a nice feeling.

I breathed in then let it out as I left his house.

And that is that. Peace out POTATOES. (sniffles) That was beautiful.

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