Hayden

Chapter Nine

I wake up the next morning to the sounds of shuffling in my kitchen. I quickly sit up from my bed and glance around the room, not seeing anything but the sun pouring in from my window.

I toss the covers off of my legs and yawn, stretch, then make my way out into the main floor of my apartment. I flinch and rub my face when I peek through the island window and see Jade shuffling around in the kitchen. 

What is she doing here?

I furrow my eyebrows and rub my face as I walk around the center wall and into the decent aroma filled room. Jade and I meet eyes momentarily, and she jumps as well. "I didn't know you spent the night." I state wearily and Jade chews her lower lip. She sets down the hot pan she had carried from the stove to the sink and turns to face me. 

"Yeah. . ." she begins. She turns the faucet on and steam arises from the smoldering pan. I look over to the plate stacked high with pancakes and french toast in between each. "We ended up drinking a lot last night and I kind of just crashed."

I raise my eyebrows and rub my head. I have an excruciating migraine, so what Jade had said about last night sounds accurate. "So you thought you'd pay me back for using my apartment as a sleep zone by making me breakfast?" I ask and Jade smiles. "I wouldn't necessarily call it a 'sleep zone' but yes. I thought it was the least I could do."

I roll my eyes and lazily walk over to the stove. I reach up to the cupboard beside it and grab two plates. I hand one to Jade, then use a fork to pull two if each of the breakfast items onto my plate. I then go to the fridge and grab the milk and syrup, drowning my food in the syrup. 

I have no memory as to what had happened last night, and I do not want to remember it either. Part of me wants to kick Jade out of my apartment and to never see her again. She feels like a threat to my duties, and I feel as if there is nothing I will be able to do to protect myself, much rather her in what I do. 

As I dig into my food, I remember that I forgot to thank Jade for making me breakfast. It all seems a little weird to me that she's acting like a girlfriend to me when she is nothing just short of a friend. It makes me a little nervous that she decided to spend the night and thought it was a good idea to make food the next morning. If it were me in her situation, I would have disappeared as soon as my eyes opened. 

"I think maybe I should go." Jade finally says as she takes her last bite of french toast. Relief washes over me, and I thank her for the food, and hope that she does not come back for a long while. I feel for her, but it is not safe for me to be falling in love. It would ruin everything. 

Maybe she can change you. . .

I shake my head free from the thought. I don't want her to change me. I don't want to change at all. I wave and nod at Jade as she lets herself out, then finish eating and get dressed for the day. I decide to clean up the mess in the kitchen later; after I explore the town looking for trouble. 

I shuffle through my closet of unorganized clothes and decide on a black white crew neck with black jeans. The crew neck has a black symbol on the front of it, and I have no idea what it means, but I liked it. 

Tension begins to arise in me once again, and I pat my sides and pockets for my pack of cigarettes. And when I do not feel them, I begin to panic. 

Do not have an anxiety attack. You will give it all away. 

I sigh of relief when I find the pack hidden in the pocket of the jacket I had worn yesterday. I quickly place the pack into the front pocket of my jeans and after grabbing the lighter from the kitchen counter, I head to and out the front door of my apartment. I then pull the two from my pockets and light a single cigarette. The smell is awful, but the light is mesmerizing. 

I need a new dependence.

I sit down on the cement stairs leading up to my apartment, and watch the paper burn up into ashes. My thoughts slip out of my mind and shatter on the sidewalk, and I feel immensely relaxed.

When the cigarette is completely burned to the butt, I toss it onto the sidewalk and stand. I look up and down the street a couple times before deciding on which way to go. I then step down and begin walking in the opposite direction that I usually go. There has to be something out there. There has to be. 

People passing me on the streets giving me awkward glares, and it is then that I remember that I forgot my phone and ear buds. The two are the only other things besides my cigarettes that save me from going insane. 

I remind myself that it is me against the world, and these people have no idea who I am or what I am up to. They have no idea what I have done, or what I am doing, and they sure as hell will not find out. I keep my eyes ahead and pay attention to only where I am headed- which is for trouble.

It's not trouble—you're just saving people.