Changed for life

Not Sorry Anymore

     I froze. I sat focused on the dots on the wall the entire period. I counted to tiles on the floor and on the ground. I'm silent. I hear both Chris and Fawn try to talk to me and each time i held my finger up to my mouth and pointed to the teacher to signal for them to pay attention  even though i was doing nothing of the sort. I wait one second to run out of the class.  Drop a notebook but don't turn around to get it because the only thing important is my journal and my phone in my bag. When i reach the bus trying as hard as possible to avoid Everyone a sudden wave of fear come crashing agains the walls inside. My freaking journal. Damn it. 

I run off the bus with my things and head to the hall i dropped it in. No one is there and I immediately start panicking. I see a paper on the floor and run to it. No. Its one of my drawing i pick it up and shove it in my bag. I text Fawn and she says she thinks Chris has it.

 Shit. I make sure my stuff is secure and run out side to the short cut. I find another drawing and just adout cry. I keep going and just hope Brads not at my home. I walk all the way to his house and knock on the door. A little girl with french braids in her hair opens the door. 

-"Hi my name is Maria! Can i help you?"

I smile at the little girl and ask If she's seen Chris.

Maria-"CHRIS!! There's a pretty girl here at the door for you. Hurry before she leaves!"

I laugh a little. I smile at her and tell her my name. She giggles and runs away as soon at he gets the door. Two words can capture this moment: embarrassment and Awkwardness. We say nothing until i can't handle the silence.

Me-"Can i have my journal back?"

I hold a serious face. He looks at me, really looks at me. I realize my face and cover my eye with my hair and look down. 

Chris-"What happened to your eye?"

Me-"Nothing can i have my book back? I need it. Please."

I feel myself about to cry so i turn around and look up. Don't you dare cry Madi.

He walks away but leaves the door open. He comes back a second later.

Chris-"Well don't just stand there, come in."

I know i look shocked but i come in. I follow him to what I assume is his room. He opens the door.

Chris-"I'm sorry. It fell out when i put my bag on my bed."

I stand there for about four seconds and the imediately drop down and pick up every peice of paper i can find. I put then back into my journal as fast as i can and when I'm done i  shove it in my bag. I get up and say bye. I run out of his room. Maria yells bye and i smile at her and say bye back. I run outside and run to my house to check if brads there. He's not so i go to the park. I get my phone out and i see i have a text. I open it and it's from Chris. 

Chris-What did i do?

Me-Look you didn't do anything. Today has just been a bad day. Im sorry for my rudeness. Tell Fawn yes, please.

Chris-Fine. But you better talk to me tomorrow. I'll tell Fawn yes.

I open my bag and take my journal out. I take every page out and put them back in order. I go to the last clean page and start to draw. At first i thought it would be a nice summer day with some building in then back ground and a girl in field playing in the flowers. But, i could draw it so i changed it. Same lay out but instead it was raining and the girl was crying in an empty field. I put all of my stuff in my bag and  walk home. When i get home i notice my mom is home so i say hi ans go to my room.