Illicit [Harry Styles]

Chapter 71

When we went back to sixth form in the second week of January, I noticed that Harry had started to really feel comfortable being around me and in our friendship group in public now. Before he would be shy or embarrassed to be associated with other people, especially me for a long time, but now he didn't seem to care. What I'd seen from him was such personal growth, like he'd suddenly matured a hundred times. It's strange, but I think in general Harry never liked being the centre of attention. He was incredibly independent and had always been seemingly emotionless and aggressive, but he never wanted to be talked about. He liked to lay low and stay under the radar. He had friends, but he never relied on anyone completely because he didn't want to be let down or fuçked over, and that's why he didn't want to be personally associated with people. In his eyes, the minute you start showing how much you like someone, that's when you let your guard down and become vulnerable.

Now he was different. He had no problem with being himself — the real Harry that I knew was there deep down. Of course he would occasionally still be short with people and express a bit of negative attitude now and then, but that was part of him. It was part of him, but not all of him. The sense of stubbornness about him and the disgruntled attitude we sometimes saw was all to do with his character, and just made him who he was. It didn't cause him any trouble elsewhere anymore, or at least most of the time it didn't.

He'd always be texting me in the day asking when I had a free period and I was doing with it, offering to drive us somewhere to pass the time rather than moping around in the common room. We spent a lot of time with Louis and Mckenzie, becoming quite the fantastic four, as it were. I was happy that we all got along so well. Although neither of us were necessarily ones for PDA, Harry was much more willing to display a little bit of affection in front of people now, which was nice. Nothing major — just sitting close to me and leaning against my shoulder, holding my hand every now and then, the simple things. Just generally allowing himself to show me he cared outside of the privacy of his bedroom, getting people to maybe wonder what we were or look at us and know that we were each other's person. That was a nice thought.

After a quick chat with the head of sixth form, my UCAS university application got sent off to my five choices in no time, and within twenty-four hours I got an offer from my first choice uni — Cardiff. I had been sitting in Costa with Harry when it'd happened and the notification came through, and I nearly screamed in the middle of the café. I was a complete state, happy tears welling up in my eyes and my hands shaking with excitement. Harry watched me from behind his coffee, smiling and chuckling at me, grabbing my hands from across the table to try and calm me down. He had said how great it was and congratulated me, but it was only when we got back to my house that he wrapped his arms around me and held me close as he told me how proud of me he was, and that's when I started bawling my eyes out again.

The reality of it all was setting in; that it wasn't long until I was going to be a university student. Eventually I'd have to pack up everything I own and take it two hundred miles away to live on my own in a new city. I was going to have to work hard, make new friends and fend for myself so far away from home. I was eager and excited for the new experiences, but in the back of my mind was the whole Harry situation. Would he really drop everything to come and be with me? How would it even work? Should I let him if he wants to? There was so much to think about, but I just kept telling myself it would work out and everything would be okay in the end.

We were just kind of ploughing through life at that moment in time. Harry and I had two months between Christmas and our little holiday to New York, so we were just going through the motions as we counted down the days until we would be getting on the plane. I was beyond excited for the trip, to the extent that I couldn't sleep if I got myself thinking about it in bed before I was about to go to sleep. My family had never really been one for holidays, so I'd only ever left the country twice, and that only fuelled my excitement. The fact that Harry had taken it upon himself to organise it all as a surprise for me made it even better, and I couldn't wait to take on New York City with him by my side. I couldn't wait to find out what he had planned and just spend some time by ourselves with not a care in the world.