Growing Up

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"She isn't mine." The voice echoed through my thoughs. "Stop." I stop. The words kept echoing through my head. "STOP!" I screamed, and was shaken awake. "Lilly." Simon said, looking at me. I looked at him and realized tears were pouring from my eyes. "I'm sorry." I whispered to him. "What's wrong?" he asked me. "Oh, just a bad dream. Thanks for checking on me." I said, with a small smile. He raised his eyebrows and huffed. "Okay. Get some sleep, you have work tomorrow." he said, getting up and walking out the door.

I took in deep breaths and grabbed my head. It's been 12 years since I've actually seen dad face to face.  The last words he said to me were "She isn't mine."  I always felt so alone, even when Simon was there. I used to have the happiest family, but that was ages ago. When I was 4, mom was diagnosed with lung cancer, and died a few months later. Dad denied everything, saying it wasn't his fault. That's when dad disowned me. He never took care of me, even when I was only a few years of age. I would sometimes go days without eating.

My grandparents on dad's side eventually took me in because of his carelessness. They scolded him for his poor quality to take care of me, and thats when the disowning started. I lived with my grandparents until the age of 8, and that's when Uncle Simon took me off their hands. When I first lived with Simon, I was scared of him. I had never met him before. I only saw him on TV, and even then, he seemed really mean and judgemental. I remeber my grandparents hovering around the TV watching 'American Idol' and them pointing out Simon.

A lot has changed since then. I received very little education until I started living with Simon. School was okay, not really much to care about. I was bullied, and still am. I pay attention in class most the time and get good grades but my mind is really focused on music. At lunch I'll plug my earphones in and blast everyone out. That is until someone yanks them out and calls me names, or throws something at me. I am used to it though, but Simon doesn't know.

It doesn't really bother me. The whole situation with dad does. I feel so alone. I feel as if I grew up protecting myself, or not even caring for the dangers in the world. If only I knew what love really felt like. 

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