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No Light, No Light >> Kylo Ren X Reader

Who is feeling this way?

Finally off to the showers, you strip off your layers of clothes, stinking with sweat and the unbearable feeling that you're being hunted. By now, your master would be wondering where you are, and why you are incompetent, and you know exactly what you would say.

"I'm completely and utterly, inconceivably, head over heels, toes over nose, in love with you," you tell the shower head as it rains a calm rush over your head. Kylo Ren might be darkness, and you mightn't be dark at all, but there was no place for a sun in the vast void.

Quickly, before the trooper monitoring the water used could complain, you complete the washing ritual, and dress in new clothes that you would be comfortable in if you weren't serving the man you were in love with in them. It might have been a good idea for you to create a cover story for yourself – Kylo Ren is not a relenting man, a forgiving man. He killed his father to remove the light from his soul, but even you felt that there was some left in him. Whatever was tethering this tortured young man in limbo?

                 

You're hardly focusing, now with your aches dulling the pain of this love, your mind blearier than when you woke yourself in a sweat over the emotions. Kriff. You're not focusing at all, and you run into the chest of a dark-clad man.

"Sir! I apologise."

Kylo Ren's mask is as unforgiving as usual. "______. Follow me." He is not inviting you. He is instructing you. This you know well, and you do your best to keep up with his giant stride as he makes his way back into to the room the both of you knew started it all. His room. "Why were you absent this morning?" His voice modulator, much like Phasma, showed no signs of mercy, and deep inside, your wits left you. "You were absent when I needed your attendance. You are an attendant, are you not?"

"Yes, sir. I am an attendant, sir."

                 

"Your absence was err. You are pained." He states, and lifts you arm. It aches, from all the physical exertion you applied it to, from all the skin crackled and broken over your unbound knuckles. "Is it this which pains you?"

You are silent.

"Have you lost your tongue, ______?"

"I am plagued with...feelings. Sir." You reply. "I was not in attendance to you to work out these problems so not to bother you with their triviality."

He drops your hand, the sudden movement paining your limb more than it should be. Before you have time to wince in pain, his mask is released from his shoulders, revealing his jagged scar. The mark mars his face, splitting it as if in two, symbolic of his struggle. The skin around it puckers, as uneven as your heartbeat.

"I'm sorry, sir," you add, quieter. The _______ you were before, punching in the training room is gone.

Kylo Ren's gaze softens.

"You want a revelation," he asks you, watching you carefully. Walking around your still form, he watches you like a predator to prey, a tutor to a student, "Some kind of resolution, to these feelings?"

She nods. "I do. I never knew daylight could be so violent. It rips me open, sir. I am plagued with them, I can't – I can't function as I do usually, for you with them. Heaven help me, I need to make it right."

He nods, but instead of agreeing, the great Kylo Ren sighs. "You can't choose what stays and what fades away. Even if it's feelings. Are they for an officer? The General?"

                 

She shakes her head.

"Captain Phasma?" he adds.

She shakes her head.

"Who? Who has rendered you to a mess standing before me? Who pains you? Who makes you this?" his voice climbs in tone, and for a moment, he can see fear in her eyes at his raised voice.

"You," she whispers.

You take a deep breath.

"I'm sorry, sir." You add, quickly. "I'm to be executed, aren't I?" She breathes. But Kylo Ren is silent, unblinking. It's as if he's frozen in a frame of time, and life has gone on and left him behind. Your fear jumps, heart thumping. "Tell me what you want me to say!"

But he doesn't say a thing. He takes a step forward, and cradling your head in his great hands, your lips are on his.

You are the hole in my head

You are the space in my bed

You are the silence in between

What I thought and what I said

You are the night time fear

You are the morning when it's clear

When it's over you're the start

You're my head, you're my heart

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