Initiate [ERIC/JAI]

11

The kiss Eric and I shared kept popping up into my head, it was a day later and everything felt foggy. All the initiates, including myself, were sat outside of what looked like a doctor's office. It was the start of stage two of initiation, testing our fears. I knew what I was scared of but I didn't know how I was going to handle seeing my fears face on. Apollo was sitting next to me, his leg violently tapping the ground.

"Just so you know, it wasn't me." He paused, turning his head towards me. "I didn't spread any rumours about you. I know that's why you haven't been speaking to me. I miss you, Cassia." His voice sounded broken, almost lost in what he was saying. "You're the only real friend I have here." His tone becomes faint, silencing himself.

"I miss you too, Apollo. The same goes for me, I don't get along with a lot of people." I chuckled, followed by a quiet laugh from him. I took a moment to think of the time I've had at Dauntless, how different it's made me. I almost felt like an entirely different person now, stronger and so much braver. My thoughts were broken when Four emerged from the office door. Everybody turned their heads towards him, his eyes were focused on mine. His eyes seemed so cold compared to usual, he seemed focused.

"Cassia. Please come in." His voice broke the silence, my heart stopped for a moment. Taking a deep breath, I rose from my seat and followed him into the room. He closed the door tightly behind him. I stood still, glaring at the infamous aptitude test chair in the middle of the room. Four walked towards a computer, sitting in the desk chair next to it. "Please lay in the chair, Cass." Four asked me politely, smiling at me when I looked over to him. I nodded in response, slowly walking towards the chair and laying myself down in it. He prepared what looked like a needle next to me. "Now, what you'll see in your fear landscape is some of your worst fears one after the other. Today you will only experience one of your fears, normally it's your weakest fear first so you should be fine. Your main focus is to calm your fear.. oh, and don't die." His tone made it sound so easy.

"Four, I'm scared." I admitted to him, grabbing his arm and he brought the injection closer to me. He placed it down on the small table next to him, grasping my hand. "I know it's part of our training but I don't know if I can do it." I was panicking, as I always did. He squeezed my hand tightly before quickly picking up the needle and injecting the serum into my neck. Everything started to go hazy.

"Don't worry, Cassia. I'll be able to see everything you experience on the screen." The words struck my ears before I dipped into the fear landscape.

I'll be able to see everything..

The words rang through my ears as I opened my eyes, feeling the cold breeze on my exposed arms. I steadied myself on the concrete beneath me, pushing myself up off it. I was on top of one of the tallest buildings in the city, on the edge, looking down to the pavement so far beneath me. My breathing stopped as my heartbeat quickened. I became uneasy, feeling as though I was going to fall. I despised heights, anything high up gave me anxiety. Tall building all looked like they were falling on top of me from the ground. I stepped off the ledge onto the solid floor of the roof. I could see the rooftop exit on the other side of the building, the matter was getting there. Putting my right foot forward, I felt the concrete beneath me rumble. I pulled my leg back as I watched the concrete fall in on itself. I climbed back into the ledge of the building just in time to watch where I was standing disappear.

You have to walk around the ledge of the building.

My hands started shaking, I was trying to control myself. I tried not to look down as I tiptoed my way to the corner of the ledge. When I arrived, the breeze hit my body and I kneeled down the steady myself, closing my eyes to not look down. The breeze wouldn't stop, until I opened my eyes. I saw the ground far beneath me, it felt much closer now. Was Four serious? Would I die? I thought about it for a minute, furrowing my eyebrows at the ground below me. I decided against it, pushing myself back to a standing position. It was extremely hard to walk the rest of the way around the ledge of the building however, when I finally got to the exit door, I was overjoyed. I slumped down on the stairs, taking a deep breath.

I opened my eyes to see the office looking room. I was laid in the doctor's chair, Four at my side looking at his computer. My breathing had calmed however, I was still on edge from what had just happened.

"Well done, can I ask you something though?" He furrowed his eyebrows, looking into my eyes now. I nod. "You kneeled down on the ledge and stared at the ground for a while. What was running through your mind?" He questioned me, I thought about it for a second.

"I was remembering what you said, about not dying and was just curious if I could actually die." I admit, immediately realising I'd slipped up. Was I not supposed to tell him? His facial expression showed my slip up. He was questioning me. "I wouldn't have jumped." I reassure him, although his expression stayed the same. He didn't believe me. He took his chair and sat next to me, grabbing my hand.

"What was your result?" He questioned me. I furrowed my eyebrows to the middle of my forehead. "Your aptitude test result?" He added. I thought back to what I'd told my brother.

"Abnegation." I mutter under my breath. He chuckles, letting go of my hand. "I know it's pathetic, why would I choose Dauntless if I was told I was Abnegation." I tried to play on the factor of my fake result. He raised his eyebrows, still not believing a word I said.

I rose from the chair, straightening myself and my clothes. Four's eyes followed me towards the door. I turned when I got to the door, his eyebrows still raised at me. "I know you don't believe me. I can see it on your face Four. Trust me, okay?" I smile at him, gaining a smile back from him. Four became a good friend to me, I didn't want to lose him. I turned and jiggled the door knob.

"I trust you Cass, but your result wasn't Abnegation." He muttered under his breath. My body went stiff, though I continued to open the door and walked out. As I walked past everybody else in the corridor, I held my breath. Getting out through the next closed door, I collapsed onto the ground. The tears rolled down my cheeks and onto my shirt. I couldn't stop them, I let my emotions get the better of me. I wanted to tell somebody, be it Eric or Four but I knew I couldn't. My heart was playing on my head and neither of them were winning. I held my tears back, wiping them off my cheeks. Taking in a deep breath, I push myself off the ground and begin to walk back to the sleeping quarters.