In Another's Eyes

Chapter 5

Peeta

"So, what are you gonna do tonight with the house all to yourself?" Delly asks as she does the dishes. I suddenly feel really uncomfortable. I don't like lying to her. If I knew how to break it to her that wanted to end our marriage, I would. But I can't. So for now, I have to lie to her.

"Nothing much," I say. "Probably just watch TV."

"I wish I could stay," she says. "But I'm a surgical intern. My time is not my own."

"Who's service are you on tonight?" I ask.

"I'm not sure," she says. "But I hope it's Dr. Everdeen. I really, really love working with her. And the more hours I get in peds, the better chance I'll have at getting the fellowship." I smile at her.

"You really like her, huh?" I say and she nods.

"All I've ever wanted to do was help children," she says and then looks down. I frown as I remember that the reason she's so devoted to pediatrics is the fact that she miscarried our baby a few years ago and that it resulted in her losing the ability to ever have a child. It hurt us both a lot, but while I've come to terms with it, Delly never forgave herself. I pull her into a hug.

"Have fun tonight," I whisper and she smiles.

"I will," she says grabbing her purse and keys. "I hope you aren't too bored alone tonight. I wish I could make it up to you after our fight last night."

"It's okay," I say. "We can talk about it later."

"I just, I saw that abandoned little baby in the NICU, and I guess I got a little too attached," she says.

"I know," I say. "But I don't think adopting drug addicted pre-me is gonna solve our problems. I don't want to adopt a baby. If we were gonna have a baby, I wanted it to be ours. But since that won't ever happen again, I guess it's just gonna be the two of us." She looks at me as though I've slapped her and goes to the door. She looks back at me with disgust written on her face.

"I never knew you could be so cold, Peeta," she whispers and then slams the door behind her. I flinch a little at it and sit down on the living room couch. I run my fingers through my hair and groan.

This isn't gonna just go away. We've fought about this a few times since the miscarriage. She'll find a baby at work, a baby some heroin addicted nineteen year old gave birth to just to bolt in the night, and start getting attached to it. She even named the first one before she brought him up. But these children, they're really sick. Some don't make it through to a year old. I may sound cruel, but one of those babies will never replace the one we lost.

I may not love Delly the way a husband should love a wife, but that baby meant the world to me. She was nearly five months along when we lost it. We had just found out it was a girl. Her name was gonna be Emily. But I never got to see her. Never got to hold her. She wasn't growing where babies are supposed to grow. She was lodged in one of Delly's tubes. It burst and the bleeding nearly cost Delly her life. They had to do a hysterectomy to save her. But we still lost Emily. And nothing, no child will ever replace her.

My phone beeps and I look over to see a message from Katniss glowing on the screen. I unlock my phone and smile sadly as I read her text.

'Gale left early.'

I text her back as quickly as I can.

'I can come over now. I really need you right now.'

She doesn't send me anything at first but then an address pops up on the screen. I grab my coat and keys, deciding to leave as soon as I can, wanting to get away from the sorrow that seems to strangle me right now.I drive over to a quaint little house in the suburbs, not quite fitting Katniss how I know her.

I get out of my car and knock on the door. Katniss opens the door and basically shoves me in. She locks the door and turns to me. I reach out and pull her close to me. I start kissing her and she gently returns the favor. She pulls away from me and cups my cheek.

"Well that's one way to say hello," she laughs but then she looks up in my eyes and the laughter fades from her eyes as the smile falls from her face. "Peeta, what's wrong? You look upset." I gently grip onto her waist and hold her close to me.

"I need to talk to someone," I say. "It's not about us. I just need someone to listen. I need to just talk to someone else." She wraps her arms around my back and lays her head on my shoulder. I feel her fingertips run across my shoulder blades and I lean into her gentle touch.

"I can be that someone," she whispers, her voice like a cool, calming breeze. She pulls away from me just enough for me to see her beautiful face. "Make yourself at home. I'll be right back." She feathers a kiss to my cheek and pulls away from me, making her way down the hall to what I would guess is her kitchen.

I look around the room she pushed me into and feel out of place in her cozy little pale green living room, the dark brown carpet and furniture making it feel warm and inviting. It reminds me of her, but the pictures of her and Gale on the walls are what make this all feel wrong. I now know why she didn't want to go to my house. She'd feel this same thing right now.

"I don't love him you know," she says, causing me to turn and face her. She's dressed very simply in sweats and an oversized concert T-shirt, her long chocolate hair in a messy braid down her shoulder. But in all honesty, she still looks gorgeous.

"What?" I ask. She hands me a glass of red wine and I gently take it from her.

"I don't love him," she says. "At one time, I did. I thought he was the love of my life when I married him. But it was kind of like I was in a daze. It all wore off after a year or so. He keeps trying to jam me into this housewife shaped box and I don't fit. I'm more than that. I don't want to give up teaching so I can raise a baby I'm not ready to have. I don't care if that makes me selfish, but I can't put a child through that. I know what it's like to be raised by an ambitious mother. I don't ever what to put a child through that. Especially when that would also mean I'd have to stay with Gale for their sake."

"That's a lot to take in," I say and she shakes her head.

"I could see it in your eyes," she says. "You're jealous of him and you shouldn't be." She sits down on the love seat and pats the spot next to her. "Besides I figured if you wanted to talk, I should share something too." I sit down next to her and she curls her legs beneath her.

"I don't know where to begin," I say and she reaches out and takes my hand in her's.

"I've found that the beginning works best," she says. "Just remember, its me. I won't judge you. I promise." I take a deep breath and begin.

"It all started four years ago..."

(Song of the Chapter: "Chasing Cars" ~Snow Patrol)