The Reject Chronicles

Worthless

As a small child he would always say,

"You're Worthless!"

It hurt

My favorite person in the world

Soon became someone I loved yet hated.

All smiles and tears of joy

Soon became frowns and tears of despair

"You can't do anything right!"

Perhaps it's true and maybe I am truly worthless,

But why are you of all people saying this?

I love you.

But I don't want to.

I used to hate it when you left,

Now I can't wait until you leave again.

So much harder on me than anyone

Maybe it's all just tough love.

With the next words you say

"Do you want us to adopt you out, because we'll do it!?"

Those words are truly what brought me to this point....

Instead of crying when you left for ten minutes

I instead can't even stand to be in the same room as you...

I'm sure you hate me,

But then it seems like you actually love me.

I'm only trying to fool myself,

Because in reality I know.......

You only love me because you have to!

When alone and left go my own thoughts

I am trapped in world of despair

And the voices of the past drown my eardrums to the point of insanity.

It's mostly your voice......

Anymore I actually prefer your criticism rather than have you be proud of me

When I see you smile at me it sickens me!

I want to cry and scream and rip my hair out all at the same time.....

And to make it worse,

I can't get away.....

I would love to just lock myself in my room and drown myself in music,

But I can't even do that without you getting angry!

You say,

"Don't you close that door!" and "I wish headphones would of never of been invented!"

Is it a crime for me to be happy?

Because of you I can't even express my emotions as well as I should be able to

And then I cry at things that I know I should not be crying about.....

It's actually kind of funny because you would always yell at me for crying

I know I'm worthless and good-for-nothing

So you do not have to tell me!

I could run away or do something to solve everything,

But I'm not weak!

I am strong and I refuse to let you win!