"Alright Zahara, I hear you.."
"You really don't and it's sad. The only person you're hurting is your daughter. I stopped being that bitch when you decided you were too good for the one that actually cared about your dumb ass"
"You keep saying I'm hurting my daughter, I'm not affecting her with what I do. She's good regardless of where I am"
"Because of me! You cannot do a damn thing for my daughter behind bars. She's good because I'm working seventy two hours a week to put food on the table, clothes on her back and diapers on her ass. What are you doing from other side of this phone? Other tell her you love her?"
"You're right.."
"I am, your little feelings might be hurt after this conversation. But I'm not gonna apologize or watch you throw your life away, I'm just not"
"I hear you"
"Sure, tell your baby you love her"
I got up and put the phone to Zari's ear, I could hear his dumb ass telling her he loves her. She smiled and blew a kiss before the phone call ended. It's sad when a nigga actually has potential to be something great when he's not playing dumb. I hope he really thinks about what I said to him. I'm not the type of person to feel bad for people who continuously make bad decisions. I really don't know the real reason why he's back in jail. I know that it's not drug related, but it's for something very stupid. He makes a ton of dumb decisions and whatever life he calls himself living is only one of them.
:
I sat at the table listening to Nasir talk about how I shouldn't have been so hard on Justin. Nasir is someone I can consider a friend, we've been talking for about a month and a half. We take the kids on little play dates and we talk, he's nice.
"I think you should really hear him out.."
"Oh, now I should hear him out? Why? Give me one good reason?"
"I think he's trying, he's just not good at using his brain from what you've told me"
"Of course, he uses his penis better than anything else on his body"
"Okay... I didn't just hear that. But maybe you can actually listen to him and help him out of his situation"
"If he wanted help, he would ask for it"
"Not every man knows how to put their pride aside and ask for help"
"I'm not gonna run behind him like he's a child and beg him to talk to me and tell me what's wrong"
"I'm not saying run behind him, but support him.."
I handed Zari a french fry and looked at him in disbelief. I do support him, I would support him in whatever he wants to do. If he wants to open a business I'll help him to a certain extent. If he wanted to do anything else productive I would give him those resources. The rest is up to him, I could give him resources, a budget plan, my time and take him where he needs to go in order to make shit happen. But if he doesn't move his own feet and open his mouth, I'm wasting my time. Time I don't have to waste..
"I'm almost offended by that"
"I'm just saying, being hard on him isn't supporting him. I know you're very straight forward which is good but you can really hurt a niggas pride with what you say"
"So, do you think niggas give a fuck about what they're hurting when they talk down on a woman? How about some of their confidence when they body shame. What about their determination when they start bashing goals? Not one fuck is given, but the difference is I have never spoken on what he can't do. Instead I fuss at him because I know what he can do, and what he's doing is something I'm never gonna accept it"
"But you accepted all of that when you slept with him right? You have to realize you're just as much at fault. If you'll never accept it why choose him as the father of your child?"
"God chose him, not me. I'm not at fault, a little dumb for thinking it would be a fairytale afterwards? Maybe but I'm human, I was in love. Now I'm out of love and I see what I should have seen. But honestly. I feel like I was the one to have his baby for a reason. Everything is a lesson wrapped up in a blessing, so I'm running with it. My life has never been better, so if anything I guess I should be thankful I accepted it"
"You know what you're too smart. But I still think you shouldn't be so aggressive about it"
"That's life, we all think shit. But that doesn't mean it's meant to be expressed"
He just looked at me and laughed, I'm just a real ass bitch. I cant help but to be honest about how I feel, no one ever spared my feelings. So I'm not gonna spare the feelings of a grown ass man that knows better.
"I know I'm a bitch.."
"No, you're not. I love you're honesty"
He looked at me some more and blurted out something that made me choke on my soup. I choked on my soup of all things.
"Your baby's dad made the best choice in life when he nut in you, tell him I said good job"
"You did not just say that.."
"It's the truth, he made a come up fucking with you. You actually give a fuck about him"
"Umm, thank you?"
I wasn't sure what else to say after that, thank you was good enough..
14. Life Happens..
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