How Do I Comprehend (Dramione)

Chapter Fourteen- Expensive Feelings

The next day was potions class, and we were finally moving on from the subject of love potions. As Snape drooled on with his same tedious tone, I couldn't help but wonder about Malfoy. He sat in front of me, so it looked as though I was staring into his slicked back hair, but I was really daydreaming about the potion I made for him. I never did find out what it was for and now, I was too afraid to go near Malfoy, let alone ask him.
"Miss Granger!" Snape suddenly snapped, splintering me out of my trance. "Since you were too busy staring at Malfoy with puppy dog eyes." My cheeks flushed red as I felt eyes widening at me, including Harry's. "Tell me, what is a common side effect of Pepperup Potion?"
I inhaled deeply before I spoke. "The effect of the potion relieves or cures cold symptoms, however the side effects can cause steam to come out of the drinker's ears for a few hours."
"Good, you have avoided detention for today. Now, the Pepperup Potion includes two known ingredients, one being a mandrake root..." Snape continued on, pacing the classroom with the exact same amount of boredom as before. My cheeks still had blood rushing to them, and I saw Malfoy turn his head back slightly to look at me. I could only see his eyes, but his cheeks puffed up a bit, so I could tell he was smirking.
"Hermione," Harry nudged my arm and leaned in to whisper in my ear. "What was Snape talking about? You weren't really staring at Malfoy, were you?"
I turned to him and pretended to be surprised. "Of course not!"
"Potter! Granger! Would you two like to take your conversations elsewhere?" Snape smashed his palms onto the desk and raised his eyebrows. I couldn't take the embarrassment much more.
"Actually, sir, I'm not feeling too good. May I be excused to go to the hospital wing?"
"Fine," Snape backed away, yet again, to continue talking to the class.
"What are you-" Harry touched my elbow, but I shook him off as I snatched my parchment and quill and packed them into my bag.
"See you in transfiguration." I mumbled on my way out. Of course, I wasn't actually going to the hospital wing, as I felt perfectly fine... physically. Emotionally, however, my brain was collapsing. All of my feelings were too much and I felt as though I needed a break from Hogwarts. From Ron, from Harry... from Draco. As I hurried down a golden staircase, I felt a tear ripple down my cheek. The only place I thought of going was the abandoned room that me and Draco had spent most of our time, only because it was always abandoned. I went down the same corridor, my face now streaming with wetness and my pace accelerated to a run, and banged into the classroom door. Twisting the handle, I threw myself in, slamming the door behind me, then dropped my bad on the floor and collapsed onto my knees, face in my hands. I felt like such a horrible person. To have to look at Ron everyday... knowing that I'd... that I'd... kissed Malfoy. As my state grew more and more depressing, my sobs got louder until I was straining my voice.
      Then I felt something on my shoulder. A soft touch with a warm hand. I turned around, expecting to see Ron, who I knew would make me feel better, but instead saw Malfoy.
"Go away, Malfoy." I stood up, wiping my tears away with my robe sleeve.
"I'm afraid I can't do that." He spoke, very stern, and stepped forwards to comfort me, but as he did, I took a few stumbles back. This time, I crossed my arms around my body, hugging my torso to prevent myself from crying. "Why are you acting so strange around me?" His eyes looked genuinely concerned, almost sad.
"I said, go away." My voice grew firmer, the tears stopped escaping my eyes.
"Why?" Malfoy insisted.
I sighed. "I feel so bad about what happened." It felt good to admit it to somebody, even if it made no difference to the situation.
"Oh..." He put his hands in his pockets and shrugged his shoulders, scraping his foot across the ground. "It's no big deal."
At those words, an anger built inside of me. "'No big deal'? Yes, it is, Malfoy! It's a very big deal!" I uncrossed my arms and gestured furiously at him. "Do you understand what I've done? If Ron knew that any of this was happening, he would freak! He would have a panic attack, or worse, he could kill you! It may not seem like a big deal to you, because nobody loves you, but for me, it is a very big-" I stopped, blinking, realizing what I had said. Malfoy couldn't look me in the eye, instead, he almost feel over while stepping a bit back and leaning against the door.
"Draco..." I walked towards him until I stood in front of him. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that." He was still looking down to his feet. I bent my knees a bit, until I was looking up at him, feeling like a mother.
"It's fine, Granger. I get it." He suddenly stepped aside and walked to stand in the middle of the room. "You feel as though because you're dating someone, only that person loves you. And you know what? That's fine, because not many sixteen year olds know who loves them and who doesn't." It seemed as though he'd been wanting to say that for a while.
"So, you think Ron doesn't?" I asked, stepping forwards until we were a feet apart, with the light of the sun shining on us. Draco shrugged again. "That could mean yes or no."
"I can't tell you who to love, Granger. I can only guess who loves you."
"Since when?" I asked, and that caught his eye contact. He was frowning as I spoke. My mind was racing and I wasn't sure if what I had said next had been valid, or if it even came out of my mouth consciously, but I said it. "Tell me who to love..."