How To Love (Tyler Seguin)

Chapter 50

Amy's POV

Waking up in the morning is becoming more and more difficult to do everyday. I don't want to leave my bed. I don't want to get up, and go to school and face Terrance.

He doesn't even acknowledge my presence anymore. Everyday I try to talk to Terrance, and everyday I get ignored. But for some reason, I don't give up. I continue to try to get my friend back.

A part of me thinks that I should just stop trying. That I should give up on trying to get him back. I've already caused him so much pain. If I did get him back, I'd probably only cause him more pain.

But despite my thoughts, despite the pain that I believe I'll cause him, I continue to try. I feel so alone and empty without him, and I don't want to continue to live like that. So I won't give up on my hopeless attempts to get Terrance back into my life.

I groan, climbing out of the comfort of my bed. I leave my room, and head into the washroom to begin getting ready for the day. I shower and brush, and go back into my room to change. I don't do much makeup, not caring about impressing anyone.

I head downstairs, carrying my school bag down with me. I go into the kitchen where dad is making breakfast. I take a seat at the empty table. Dylan hasn't come downstairs yet.

"Good morning," dad says in a cheery tone.

"Morning," I mumble.

"How are you feeling today?," he asks.

"I'm fine."

"You don't look fine. You've been acting really weird these past few days," he tells me. "I haven't seen Tyler around here for a while or the other one with the glasses."

"Terrance," I say. "His name is Terrance."

"Ya, him. He hasn't been around here either. Did something happen?"

"Yes, but I don't want to talk about it," I tell him.

"C'mon Amy, I'm your father. You can tell me when something is wrong," he says, pouring the food onto a plate.

"What do you want me to say? You want me to pour my heart out to you?," I remark.

"Yes, I would like to know what's going on in my daughter's life," dad tells me.

"You want to know what's going on? Then here it is. Because of you, I'm fucked up. I watched mom get abused by you for years, and still stick around. And I never understood why she would do that. She stayed with an awful man just because she loved him, and I never want to be like that. So I decided to never get attached to a guy, and fall in love. And because of that, I never learnt what it was that I wanted in life when it comes to a relationship. So when I got these two great guys, I had no idea what I was doing. And now they're gone. I hurt them both, and they're gone. They're gone all because you fucked up my childhood, and my mind. I can never give my heart to a guy because I'm afraid of ending up like mom. I'm afraid of having a guy like you."

"I never meant to hurt your mom," dad says, his voice getting louder. "When you were born, we were young. And your mother got kicked out of her house. I was so scared about the future. I wasn't ready to be a father. So I turned to drinking. And alcohol made me do stupid things, like gambling and hurting my wife and child. I was always so angry when I was drinking. I was angry about the asshole of a person I had become, and about the awful life I was giving you and your mother. And then when I lost her, I just fell apart. It was like my life had ended as well. But I vowed from that moment on to be a better man. To give you and Dylan the best possible lives I could manage. I'm sorry for the way I was, and for what I did. I'm sorry that I ruined your life. But I didn't force you to make the decisions that you made. So you have to stop blaming me, and grow up and face the mistakes you made."