#slut

49. Matt

So I was taking time away from them both, or that was the plan. I was ready for neither of them to talk to me again.

I get a text from Matt the next day:

Matt: Hey.

Me: Hi

Matt: We need to talk

Me: Okay, what do you want to say

Matt: This has been bugging me a lot, and I can't just pretend like it doesn't hurt

Me: Umm hmm

Matt: Actually never mind

Me: If you wanna talk, we can talk

Matt: Why are you being so dry about it, like you don't care

Me: I'm sorry you don't see my body language and tone of voice over text

Matt: Can we meet then?

Me: Umm, sure, if you want

Matt: Well if you really don't want to, then whatever

Me: No, we can meet, that's fine

Matt: Alright I'm at *****(this coffee shop)

Me: Okay, I'll be there soon

I get ready, and head over to meet him. I really wasn't thinking of how this could end up, and if it was a good idea or not. But he seemed very upset and annoyed with me

I get to the coffee shop, and sit down at the table he is at. He has already ordered me a coffee. He didn't get up to hug me, so I just sit.

Me: Thanks for the latté

Matt: No prob

Me: So just lay it all on me, what's on your mind?

Matt: Well first I feel like you are being distant with me. Like you want nothing to do with me. Based on the way you were texting earlier.

Me: I didn't mean to sound so dry. I noticed it too. I'm sorry. I guess I have been trying to avoid this whole situation.
Matt: I don't want you to avoid me. It hurt when you said you don't see me as a boyfriend. Do you not actually like me?

Me: I'm sorry, but that's the vibe I got from us. Whenever we hang out we both act as if there is no commitment.

Matt: Is that not what you want?

Me: I don't know what I want. But don't change what you want to tailor to me. Cam is a relationship type guy. He wants love. And that scared me off. So he changed himself to allow me to be less committed just because he liked me. And I shouldn't have let him do that. He knows what he wants.
I got the feeling that you just wanted to be friends with benefits, that you didn't ever want to be my boyfriend. I didn't know you wanted more or something g serious.

Matt: I didn't know what I wanted at the time either. But spending time with you made me realize that I did want more. Yes, you did change that in me, but for the better.

Me: Well I still don't know where my heads at. I don't want you to want a relationship when I'm not a 100% in. Its not fair to you. If my mind is always wonderimg what things would be like with Cam. Right now I'm at 50/50 with you two. And that isn't fair to wither if you; to only like you 50%. That's why I don't think this can work. I'm sure both of you can find a girl that's for you 100%. That doesn't question themselves, and if they like you.

Matt: Okay

Me: ...just okay? Nothing else you want to say or talk about.

Matt: Right now, I just don't want to hear your voi...anything you have to say.

Me: You don't want to hear my voice?

Matt: *he gets up*
I'm gonna go.

Me: Umm, okay...bye
*I get up to hug him, but he has already walked out*

I sit back down and and take a sip of my latte. It felt as if someone just knocked the air out me. I felt nauseous.