He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Chapter 8

"I don't understand," muttered Hush, glancing from Harley to his notes. "You're supposed to be dead."

He held his stethoscope against her heart again, and his look of confusion deepened. "But by all accounts, you seem to be fully recovered. I...can't explain it. It doesn't make any sense..."

"That's my Harley girl!" chuckled Joker, patting her on the head. "She defies all logic and reason, doncha, pooh?"

"Uh huh, Mr. J," she cooed, gazing at him adoringly. "I'm crazy as a loon."

"Your mental state has very little effect on your physical well-being," snapped Hush.

"Aw, that ain't true, Hush Little Baby," retorted Joker, grinning. "If you weren't nuts, you would never have lost your face."

"How do you look under there anyway now?" asked Harley, trying to peer under his bandages. "Are you all gross and disgusting like when Mr. J took me to see Phantom of the Opera? Y'know, he was a murdering psychopath too, which made him pretty attractive despite his face, and he could sing. Can you sing, Hushy?"

"I am not in the habit of doing so, no," retorted Hush.

"Then I don't see how you're ever going to get a girlfriend," sighed Harley.

"Now, now, pooh, as a great man once said, 'the key to humor is surprise,'" said Joker, grinning. "Y'know who said that, Hush Puppy?"

"Aristotle," replied Hush, puzzled.

"That's right! I had time to kill while Harley was sick," said Joker, shrugging. "The skirt-wearing nutjob may not have known much, but he knew a joke when he heard one. And ain't this a great joke? On you, on me, on the world! Harley ain't dying after all!"

"My commiserations," snapped Hush, replacing his tools in his medical bag and snapping it shut. "I know you were probably hoping for the worst. But I regret to inform you that you seem to be stuck with the brat until further notice. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have business to attend to elsewhere," he said, heading for the door.

"You found Eddie Nygma yet?" asked Joker, following him.

"It's only a matter of time," retorted Hush. "I can wait. As Aristotle said, 'patience is bitter, but its fruit is sweet.'"

The doorbell rang at that moment, and Joker answered it. "Eddie, we were just talking about you!" exclaimed Joker, beaming. "Got a riddle for you: when people say 'hush,' what does a freak in a green suit do?"

Nygma looked at him in confusion, and then noticed Hush standing behind him, glaring. Without another word, Nygma raced off, with Hush rushing after him. "That's right, Eddie, he runs!" chuckled Joker. "Gotta say, he is good with riddles. If I were a decent guy, I'd go after them and try to help him, or at least call the emergency services. But I ain't a decent guy," he said cheerfully, shutting the door.

He returned to the bedroom where Harley was playing tug o' war with Bud and Lou.

"Wanna play with the babies, puddin'?" she asked, holding the rope out to him.

"Nah, you're the one who's gotta exert yourself, you useless waste of space," he said. "It's obviously for your own good that you're worked as hard as possible, so that's what I'm gonna make you do. I ain't gonna lift a finger from now on."

"You never did, puddin'," retorted Harley.

"Yep," agreed Joker, nodding. "Nice that things are back to normal. If you need me, I'll be in my study."

"I thought you weren't gonna spend as much time fighting the Bat, puddin'," said Harley, frowing. "What about your deal?"

"I never said anything about not making plans to fight the Bat," retorted Joker. "Honestly, Harley, try to understand all the terms of a deal before you agree to it, will ya, you dumb blonde? That's how you get suckered. Now why doncha go make yourself useful and make me some lunch? But let Bud and Lou taste it before you feed it to me – I ain't gonna risk getting food poisoning. I ain't gonna fall for that gag twice - making me think you're dying and then taking away my hope at the last minute. Guess I'm stuck with you now, you stupid brat, so I might as well make the best of it. That's just the kinda guy I am."

He left the room, and Harley gazed after him adoringly. "I love you too, puddin'," she murmured, beaming.

Then she skipped off to the kitchen with Bud and Lou at her heels.

The End