Owned

Chapter 20: Love me or leave me

Alexa's POV

I never felt more happy to be home. Despite everything that happened in the past few days, I still couldn't tell my dad that I'm seeing Tyler. More correct, was seeing him. So, he didn't see a problem for me to go to school. And I absolutely understood him. Southview was an expensive school. It would be wasting money. However, my dad's point was for me to be more social. By some logic, I looked like I was depressed in the past few days. I wouldn't call it depression, but my thoughts were slowly killing me. I couldn't stop thinking about Tyler and he was just making it worse with calling me non stop and sending me texts. I practically made circles around the school so I wouldn't see him. I just wasn't in the place to talk to him again. Liv was still out of town and I didn't want to bother her with my problems over the phone, so I just forced laughs and whenever she asked about him I changed the subject.

I quickly ran upstairs, not wanting to see Matt or Brandon- if they were home, and rushed in my room, locking the door behind. Taking a deep breath, I threw the books on the desk, before throwing myself on the bed. I knew what was coming after this. Tears. A lot of tears and pain. But I couldn't go through it again. Not today. I just needed a distraction. The pain in my heart was making me feel like someone's sitting on me. Like there's a huge weight pushing down my heart. I had to do something about it, other vise I would go crazy.

I stood up and walked towards the bookshelf, possibly looking for a big book. Something that will keep me distracted for longer than an hour. But disappointment wash over me. I read all of the books on the shelf. But of course, my favorite of all was luckily still here. Wade Humann was my favorite author. Especially his book 'Humans of the mountain'. I've read it at least a hundred times and I could never get bored from it.

Taking the heavy book, I once again sat down on the bed, leaning on the leather headboard. I started reading it, but it felt like I was just going trough the pages. I found myself going back on the same page, just so I can understand what's going on in the book. Like my thoughts were flying. To be more exact, my thoughts were somewhere else. "Fine! Leave! I don't need you anyway!" Tyler's words were harshly banging in my head. He didn't care. I can't believe that I spent all that time actually having feelings for him, when he didn't even care. It's like he was an alcoholic and I was just another bottle.

Suddenly, my phone buzzed in my pocket making me slightly jump, as the book fell off the bed. Taking the phone out, I wasn't exactly surprised what I was looking at. Tyler was calling me again, but I still didn't have the strength to pick up and deal with him. What if he had more hurtful words to say to me? My heart was already broken, not once, and I couldn't let every piece be broken even more. I let it ring and picked up my book. He'll give up eventually.

But reading is hard when you're not concentrated. Tyler didn't seem to give up. Usually, he would call once or twice and leave a few messages. But now, the phone already rang more than 4 times. I sighed in annoyance and took my phone, picking it up.

"Alex?" The sound of his voice caught my breath in my throat. I was speechless as I felt my eyes fill with tears. But hanging up wasn't even at the back of my mind. "Alex, if you're there," His voice quiet and husky as he stopped, letting out a deep sigh. "If you're there, just please, please meet me. I need to see you. We need to talk." I felt a hot tear roll down my cheek. Why did it have to be like this? Why did we make it so hard? A deep shaky breath escaped me, letting him know I was still there. No! I didn't want him to know I was listening.

The second he heard me, he started talking again. "Look, Alex, I know you're there. Say something." His voice slightly fading away. But words weren't able to escape me right now. I had so much to say, yet so much to hide. "If you're listening, just please come meet me at the Ozean Deli in an hour." I shook my head, yet knowing that he can't see me. I didn't want to. I'm too weak on him. "I'll wait for you." He said after a few seconds, before hanging up.

The phone fell down on the bed as I felt my hands slightly shaking. I wanted to see him. I needed to see him. But whenever I heard his voice, whenever I heard him say my name, I was breaking. I knew if I get back with him that eventually, I'll be back where I am right now. As long as Lora was around, we had no chance. But there was this unbelievable urge to see him. To meet him. Ozean Deli was a place where we usually hung out with our friends. The name was more in a ironic sense, cause it was actually a bar. It was close to everyone, so we chose to mostly hang out there.

It took me about 45 minutes to get ready, because I honestly looked like crap. I took a quick shower, blow dried my hair, but didn't bother to put makeup on. Jeans, a gray hoodie and a pair of trainers were enough for now. I rushed downstairs, grabbed my phone and my keys, putting on an over sized jacket that I think was Matt's and walked outside. The cold air hit me as the darkness was filled with a few street lights, yet the moon was shining brighter than all of them. I got in the car and looking at the phone, I was surprised that it was already 9:35 pm. I got home late today because I worked on a school project in the library with Miranda. She did most of the work though, while I just held a few books on my lap, staring them, yet not recognizing a single letter.

I've always hated the fact that whenever night falls in South Hills, especially in winter, there's no one around. It took me about 5 minutes to get down the road and reach Ozean Deli's parking lot. Again, no one around. Just a few cars. Taking out the keys, I felt cold shivers down my spine from the emptiness. I locked car as I felt the long sleeves cover my hands. Wow, Matt was turning into a big dude. I'll always see him as my baby bro though.

I almost ran to the door, and I knew I was a few minutes early, but I just wanted to get it over with. Who knows. Maybe Tyler has a good explanation for all of this. I honestly hoped that I was the one that was wrong, cause being away from him was wracking me piece by piece. Maybe Lora was really just someone he dated in the past. But the phone call in the middle of the night was still odd.

I took a deep breath before pushing the doors open and feeling the warm smoky air hit my face. It was the middle of the week so there wasn't a live music, or a gig, just a muted radio music. I stopped in front of the door, searching the place with my eyes and looking for Tyler. The place wasn't much crowded, so it shouldn't be hard finding him. Suddenly, my eyes landed on thin back covered with long blonde hair. She moved her head slightly, almost like she was kissing someone. My heart skipped a beat when I saw who she was with. No way. It can't be him.

Tyler. He was kissing her slowly and holding her by her waist the same way he used to hold me. In a second, he moved to the side as his eyes met mine. I felt like my throat was closing and my feet were paralyzed. My eyes were getting watery, but the tears didn't seem to escape me. He didn't take his eyes off me while the girl turned around, now also looking at me. How didn't I see this coming? Who else could it be, other than the famous Lora White. As soon as she started staring at me with that evil glare of hers, I couldn't take it anymore. The air was no longer reaching me as I started taking short and shaky breaths, before turning around and pushing the doors open.

As soon as I was out, I took a deep breath and the tears that were holding in, rushed down all at once. However, my legs now didn't seem to be able to stop walking. After a few seconds, I heard the doors opening again. "Alex!" Tyler yelled after me, but that didn't stop me. "Alex wait! Please, stop." I could hear him running behind me, trying to catch up to me. His voice was slightly muted, but it wasn't even in the back of my mind to stop. "Hey! Hey, look at me." His voice now slightly shaky and upset as he swung me by my arm, making me face him. "Look at me." He quietly repeated, cause I was looking everywhere but at him. He was now gripping me by my shoulders, making me look at him as my breathing was short and cut.

"Alex, I swear it's not like that. Just let me explain." His voice was now loud, filling the silence and making me focus on him. Explain? Could he really? I harshly pulled away from his arms and took a step backwards, shaking my head.

"No! No, Tyler, you can't explain," It's like I wanted to say more, but my feelings were so mixed, not letting me focus on what I was trying to say. His glaring eyes were staring at me full with hope, but there was no hope for us. It took me a few seconds to break the stare and continue. "I just can't believe you. You wanted me to come so I can see that, didn't you?!" Why was I surprised by that? Tyler was a player. The bad boy. And I was stupid enough to think that he could change for someone like me.

He returned in a second. "No! No, you know that's now true. Alex please. That didn't happen, we weren't kissing," It was like he had more to say, but there weren't enough lies in the world to cover that up.

I shook my head in disbelieve and slowly took a few steps backwards, before turning around and starting to walk towards my car. He actually had an "explanation". I couldn't even look at him right now.

After taking a few steps, I heard him shout behind me. "Right! You're gonna leave again cause that's the fucking solution of everything!" He said with an ironic tone, making me suddenly stop walking. My blood was plumping faster and faster as I felt my cheeks heat up and the tears stream down. But I was too weak to be angry right now.

Turning around, I couldn't hold my emotions anymore. Tyler now had an apologetic look on his face, almost like he regretted his words as he was now less than a feet away from me. He reached, trying to touch me, but I harshly pulled away. "I hate you. I hate so much." My voice now shaky and husky from all the crying. I meant it.

"No. No you don't" His voice now quiet.

I didn't take my eyes off his, knowing that he was right. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't hate him. "I should! I should hate you." I stated. Tyler once again tried reaching closer, but I took a step backwards, not wanting to be touched by him.

He shook his head as I saw his eyes getting watery from his words. But I didn't feel bad. I was hurt and he deserved my hate. But I couldn't even force myself to hate him. Suddenly, he moved his hand, touching mine. Electricity ran through my body, making me close my eyes and let the tears flow. But I quickly snapped out of it and moved away. Tyler opened his mouth to say something, but I instantly interrupted him, not wanting to listen to his dirty lies anymore. "Just don't Tyler," I almost shouted, but my voice seemed to fade away. "Please, just-," A slight sob escaped me. ", just leave me alone."

Turning around, I ran towards my car, yet Tyler seemed to be frozen to his spot. I unlocked it and got in, but started struggling with the keys. Finally, I started the car and it seemed like someone had awaken Tyler. Before I could take off, he reached the car, tapping on my window. His voice muted, but I could hear him say something. He told me not to go and to listen, to stop the car, but as soon as I started driving I didn't have the intention to go back. I saw him watch me drive away in the mirror, yet my sight was blurry from all the tears that were streaming down my face.

How could I be so fucking stupid? This whole time, this was probably just an act. Tyler probably had never even broke up with Lora. Was it possible this was all a game? A game where I let my feelings for him grow so big. And now here we go again. He still managed to have that power hanging over me. I said that this time it was over, but it was still freaking happening. All of this felt like another recap of my pain. I wasn't sure how I was still breathing.

I was no longer broken, but it felt like I had a hole up in my heart. Even though those three words were choking me and my heart was hating me, I still loved him. I knew that once I stop loving him, the pain would be gone, but how the hell was I supposed to do that? How can I save myself from this leaving breathing hell?!

Suddenly, headlights flashed in front of me, as I instantly stepped on the brake, making the car stop in one quick motion. The car in front of me had also stopped. My heart was now trying to escape my chest and my hands couldn't stop shaking. I almost caused an accident. It was my fault. I didn't even notice the 'Stop' sign. Someone walked out of the car, a guy, and was now walking in my direction. My hands were already covering my eyes, as I couldn't control the tears.

In a second, someone knocked on the window. Great. This was all I needed right now. I glanced in that direction and was surprised when I saw Trevor with a scared yet confused expression on his face. "Alex? Alex, open up." His voice muted. I really didn't want anyone to see me cry right now, but I also didn't have a choice. I was just glad we didn't hit.

I clicked the button and the window opened. "Alex, are you okay?" He said in a worried tone. I wasn't sure if he was asking because I was crying or because I almost caused an accident.

I shook my head, not knowing what to say. "I-i," The words almost chocked me. "I'm sorry Trevor, I wasn't," I few sobs escaped me. "I wasn't looking."

"Hey, it's okay. You're okay, right? You're not hurt?" Trevor asked quickly. Once again, I shook my head. "Come on. Get out." He said, backing away so I can open the door. Taking out the keys, I did as he said, and stepping on the ground, I felt my legs shaking, making me loose balance. He took me by my shoulders, making me stand still, and I leaned on the car behind. "What's wrong? Why are you crying?" Trevor asked and wiped a few tears from my cheek.

I couldn't hold it in anymore. If I did, I had the feeling that my head was gonna explode. "Tyler and I broke up." I muttered along with a few sniffs. Trevor's expression was now confused and serious. Surprised in some way.

"What? Why?" He asked after a second.

I looked down knowing that I couldn't go through it again. "I don't wanna talk about it. I can't." I said quietly.

"Okay. That's okay." Trevor spoke with a calming tone, like he was talking to kid. "Do you want me to take you home?" I suddenly remembered. I didn't tell Matt I was leaving, but luckily my dad was working tonight. I shook my head, not wanting to deal with loneliness right now.

"I can't. I don't want to go home tonight." I mumbled and looked down.

"Okay, you can spend the night at my place." Trevor offered without thinking. I couldn't believe he would offer something like that. He was so nice.

"No, that's fine. I'll call Gina." I said even though it would be a lot easier if I said yes.

He slightly frowned. "No. No, it's not an option. I can't leave you now. Not like this." Trevor smiled, slightly pushing me towards his car. I hated the fact that I looked wrecked and I didn't want anyone to see me like this, but I guess I felt close to him. I didn't care that I was crying anymore, I was just glad there was someone who could actually understand.

The car ride was mostly quiet. Trevor gave me the time to calm myself, making a few jokes to cheer me up, but then the silence filled the air again. I never knew that he had a apartment in the center of the town. He stopped the car and we both walked out, still remaining silent. In front of me was an average sized building, but I didn't really pay much attention to it. Getting in the building we decided not to take the elevator cause Trevor's apartment was on the second floor. I often found him looking at me with a worried expression, almost like he was checking up on me.

We walked inside, and I was surprised how well his place looked. Everything was in the right place, nicely decorated. Straight from the door was the living room that had a black leather furniture and a big plasma TV. The glassed dining table was in the same room right across from the windows. There were a few other doors on the side and the walls were painted in the nicest cream-color. I never expected Trevor to be so creative and neat.

After a few seconds, Trevor told me to make myself comfortable, but I wasn't really in the place for that. It was just for one night. I couldn't be alone. Not again. After we both sat down across from each other, Trevor gave me a short lesson on how I shouldn't keep things to myself and that I would feel a lot better if I spilled it. And honestly he was right. I couldn't hold it in anymore. Starting off with the mysterious phone call from Lora, I retold the whole story, ending with the last thing I told Tyler. I said I hated him. And right now, maybe I did. But it still hurt as bad as loving him.

Turned out that Trevor understood me well because he's been through something similar with his ex girlfriend a year ago. Apparently, time heals. But not a single part of me could be fixed in the moment. When I was with Tyler, I often wanted to ask him where our relationship was going. And maybe if I did, I would've known that I would end up like this. Broken. My last glimpse of Tyler's face kept flashing through my mind: his messy hair, his nut-brown eyes staring at me. He looked hurt, confused when I told him that I hated him, but why didn't he believe me?

My mind was a mess and the crying was just making it all worse. Trevor showed that he was a very good friend, giving me the attention I needed and giving me a few tips on how to get over it easier. I've always saw him as a tough, maybe even soulless guy that somehow had ended up in a mafia. But since that was over, he showed his soft side. A few hugs from him really helped me calm down a bit, but I still couldn't stop crying. I leaned on his chest, letting the tears stream down my face, probably ruin his shirt from all the crying. However, his tight grip and a few shushes made me relax.

A few hours of a non-stop crying somehow made my body extremely exhausted and my mind a wreck. Having someone be there for you when you're going through a tough time really meant a lot. And Trevor was a great listener, making me feel like he actually understood what I was going through.

My body felt numb before I felt someone lifting me. Faintly awake, I could feel my body slightly swaying as if someone was carrying me. I opened my eyes a bit, finding myself in Trevor's arms as he was carrying me somewhere. In a second, he noticed I was half awake and offered a slight smile. "Shh, it's okay. Go back to sleep." He said with a quiet and calming tone. His voice was almost echoing and fading away. I closed my eyes again, not being able to keep them open and after a few seconds I felt him putting me down. A soft pillow was placed under my head and a blanket covered my body.

"Thank you." A husky mumble escaped me, as I was already half asleep. After a second, I felt his hand touch my hair with a caress far more gentle than silk.

I felt him lean closer to my cheek leaving a butterfly kiss. "You're welcome." He whispered in my ear. The fact that there was someone here with me tonight made me release a sigh of relief as I felt my body muscles relax and my fingers release their grip.

"This is the kind of tired that sleep can't fix."