The Klutz and the King

Lowkey Taylor Swift

"Hmm. What kind of food is it?"

He smirked, as if he knew something I didn't. "Starbu—"

"So I'm walking to school and the next thing I know, I've got a hot guy in my room! We didn't do the nasty or anything, but Amber came in and made me pull out the vagina jokes, so I woke up early to get to school before Aunt Felicia could confront me about it and now I'm here starving like Napoleon's Grand Army when they tried to invade Russia," I breathed out.

I held my hand out expectantly, giddy to have a warm cup of hot cocoa in my hands soon.

Without question, he gave me a crusty orange  plastic bag of crustiness instead.

"What is this?!" I yelped, chucking the bag at a nearby bush. "Drugs?! The weed thing was just a joke!"

"It's Starburst candy. It's from Halloween," he said flippantly.

Starburst? Not Starbucks? How dare he trick me with his slow speaking!

"Why are you giving this to me?" I looked like a crippled cow, gazing up at him pleadingly. "I'm hungry. Do you want me to starBURST into flames and die?"

He raised his eyebrow, and my eyes welled up with hungry peasant tears.

He eyed me slowly before tugging me by the scarf to the nearest Starbucks.

~*~

"Those boys followed us," Lucas stated from beside me.

I stopped myself from sipping the scolding hot cocoa (that he paid for) and followed his emotionless gaze to two boys with dirty blond hair and taught muscles. Their heads seemed to snap to the side as if they weren't staring at us.

"Maybe they think I'm Taylor Swift," I said patronizingly.

"Impossible. You're shorter than the average penis."

"Well the average weenie must be pretty darn huge!" I scowled at Lucas, crossing my arms.

What was with all the guys talking about their ding dongs? Goodness, couldn't I have one conversation without their genitals mentioned?

"Excuse me, can we sit here? There's no other available table," an apologetic voice came from beside, interrupting us.

I turned to see the blond boys standing at the entrance of our booth.

The one who spoke had pretty hazel eyes, and the scowling one beside him had eyes that looked exactly like the black coals Lucas definitely got from Santa every year on Christmas.

I awkwardly glanced at the empty tables behind them before grinning.

"Sure!" I chirped.

"Bullshit," Lucas said coldly. He stood up immediately. "Who sent you?"

Hazel Eyes looked flustered. "Nobody! We just wanted to hang out with this girl because she's—"

His buddy Santa Coal smacked him in the back of the head, making his voice crack.

"We're here to protect her. We're hired by a very important man, so I think it's best we keep her away from guys like you," Santa Coal sneered.

His words didn't have the effect he'd hoped for. If anything, it only made Luke crack a mirthless smile.

The two guys looked a little miffed at Lucas's intimidating appearance.

"I knew it!" I cried out suddenly. "You two have made a mistake. I told you Luke, they thought I was Taylor Swift."