If I have to (bwwm)

chapter 22

*Flashback*

I hate this house it's scary and way too big I said out loud. Why did we have to move? Our old home was much better than this fancy new house. At least I could sleep in our house, here I always have bad dreams.  Dreams that feel like they're real.

Suddenly I hear a strange noise and instantly I hide under my blanket. Maybe it's just mama I tell "Lady" my stuffed bear.
Then I think that it might be something else something from my dreams. I'll just take a peek and see just to be sure.

  As I stand to go investigate a very loud thunderclap booms and I fall on the floor in fear.  Shuffling under my bed for shelter I think maybe I should stay here it's much safer.

  After about twenty minutes of hiding in fear I get up.
I slowly crawl out from underneath my bed. Carefully and softly just in case, it hears. Once I'm standing I begin to tiptoe into the hallway. "I hope they're okay "I whisper to myself. I pray every night that they're okay.  I pray for mommy, daddy, and sia.

When I walk down the hallway I clutch my ratty old teddy bear for dear life. Once I reach all that is of the hallway my legs become frozen.   I don't think I can move. Not even I wanted to. Do I want to?  What if my dreams unfold before me?

It's as if my blood is no longer blood, but cement. I let a tear slip and before others can follow my Angel comes into view.

My mother although she has been woken from her sleep by me at three in the morning. Still somehow manages to look radiant. She's not surprised to see me we've been through this before.

"Baby, what's wrong? Did you have another nightmare?" she asked kneeling down to hug me. She gives the best hugs.

"I thought you and daddy left me," I said in between sniffles.

"Aww, baby don't cry." She said wiping my tears away.

"Honey you know that daddy and I ain't going anywhere. Wanna sleep with us tonight?"

"Yes please "  And with that, my mama scopes me up and leads the way. My daddy is snoring loudly but I don't mind. "Scoot over you big bear " mama says hitting daddy with a pillow.

Mommy and daddy's bed is way bigger than mine. Somehow daddy still takes up a lot of the space. My daddy is really tall so that's probably why.

Once I'm comfy my daddy kisses my forehead and mommy turns out the light. "Don't worry we won't let anyone hurt you. No one."

I wish I could say that I  believed her but I would be lying. How could I tell them that it is not me that's in trouble. The monster never gets me. It always wants my family. Sometimes I wish it would pick me over them, but it never does.

"Mommy"

"Yes baby "

"I miss sia" I said rubbing my tired eyes.

"I know sweetheart me too."

"Will she ever come back, mommy? "

"One day baby; one day."
****End of flashback* ******

"Hey, where did you go?"  James asked snapping me out of my daze.

"Nowhere, I said dryly.  I think it's best if you go you have to get ready and so do I. "

"So what you're putting me out again? " 

"Yes, James I am. Come on your brother's dinner is tonight and I have to start getting ready. "

"You do know its only  four o'clock right?"

Dinner is at 7:00 I reply.

"And? " he challenged.

"And it's in Malibu and I'm meeting your parents. The ones that Ali says are super classy sophisticated and snobby no offense. "

James just smiles in response.  God he has great smile. 

"What?"

"Ali told the truth for once in her life. Yeah, Mory, my parents can be a little sharp around the edges. So no offense taken. " He said as he wrapped his arms around my waist.

"You aren't scared, are you? He asked.  "

"Please, I don't scare easily. "

"Oh yeah," James whispered.  Before I could respond he pick me up we crashed onto the couch.  "Tell me Mory are you ticklish?"

"Nope. "

Of course, James doesn't believe me and tickles me anyway. It takes everything in me not to laugh my ass off. While James tickled me I shift our positions and straddle him.

"What's the matter Mr.Gallo chat te resevwa lang ou?" (cat got your tongue)

"Damn mory I don't know what you said but hell yeah to all of  it."

I giggle at his foolishness and kiss him softly on the nose.
"Its creole and I will see you in a couple of hours," I said getting off of him and leading him to the door.

"Okay, I'll call you when I'm here see you later Mory."

I tried to move my lips out of the direction of his kiss but failed.  James is smarter than I thought, instead he lifts my chin up and kisses me. Passionately,  softly and never long enough. 

"Your gonna have to teach me that little language of yours. "

"Hmm, we'll see."
As I closed the door behind me I can't help but think of the last twenty-four hours I spent with James and the ones that will follow.