[Another chapter! I really am going to bring it to a close soon, I promise. But I thought I would put this up, so you can see a bit of Belinda's life and get why she's the way she is! Enjoy, comment and!...Happy Reading ^_^]
Belinda sat rigidly in her room, staring at the walls. She was gone. She was really gone. She stifled a sob, hugging her pillow. She had been awake most of the night, crying and thinking. She hated that she couldn't stop crying, hated to see how much it hurt Keith. She knew he cared, enough at least that seeing her in pain made him hurt too. She wished she could put on a brave face, ignore all that pain and hate.
Because she hated that her mum had left her here. She hated that she had no family to grieve with, to share that pain. She hated that the world was still moving, still spinning on that stupid axis. Why couldn't it just stop? Why didn't the world give her a pocket to slip into, to get the grief and pain out of her system before she started doing everything she had to again.
But most of all she hated the loneliness. First her dad had left her and her mum. That had nearly killed Lizzie, to know that he was never coming back. Belinda could remember how Lizzie had thrown herself into her work and so many different guys. The guys had all been a little sleazy. They were mostly alright but Belinda knew there was something weird about them. It was something Belinda never understood and hoped she never did.
Then, when her mum was done with all the guys, done with working overtime, she had turned to drugs. Belinda had found her a couple of times, stoned out of her mind and experimenting with lots of different drinks. It had been difficult for Belinda to understand what was happening - she was only eight. Looking back, Belinda knew there was nothing she could have done but she still hated her helplessness.
When her mum was finally clean again, Belinda had realised that they didn't have enough money to keep buying Belinda clothes every time she grew a little more. When her clothes had become a little tight, a little short on her, Lizzie just tried to stretch them. It had been embarrassing to go to school in shapeless clothes and tattered shoes but it had been better than nothing.
It had changed again when Belinda had started slitting her wrists. Never where anyone could see clearly, had they gotten close enough. But enough for her mum to pay attention. Lizzie had broken down, begging Belinda to stop. It had been enough to slow Belinda down but not enough to stop her. She was starved for attention and if that was the only way to get it...
Again, looking back she saw how stupid it was. But she had been a lonely child, neglected and bullied. So she had gone through insane things to get the attention she needed. Belinda wished she could turn back and told her mum how much she loved her. Maybe if her mum had known, she wouldn't have overdosed. Maybe she would have stayed around for Belinda.
It had been embarrassing the night before, the way she had clung to Keith. It would be more embarrassing to open up to him and she was dreading it. She knew he deserved the explanation and she wanted to be able to tell him everything. Nobody could ever mean as much to her as Keith did then. She didn't want to scare him away with everything 'dirty' inside of her, everything nobody wanted to see. She wanted him to stay, to love her. She-
"Belinda?" Keith said, knocking lightly on her door. He mustn't have known she was awake or he would have come in as he knocked. He tapped on the door again before nudging the door slightly. Belinda looked up at him with red eyes and he felt his stomach shredding. God, why her? he thought. Why can't you give her some peace?
"Hey," she whispered gently, curling her legs underneath her. She patted the space she had just made, ignoring the sudden thump her heart gave when he sat closely beside her. She cuddled up to him, holding onto him. Her hands were shaking with fatigue but she didn't care. She needed him here, needed to talk to him. She wanted someone to tell her it was okay, even if it was a lie. She wanted Keith.
"Do you think you should stay home today?" Keith asked gently. He wasn't probing. He was asking honestly if she thought she should stay home. "You didn't get much sleep last night, did you," he chided, hugging her tightly. She fit so snugly in his arms, like they were made to hold her. He wanted to believe she was. "I should've stayed with you."
"No, there's no point in us both losing sleep," she murmured, feeling safer now that he was here. "Besides, I'm okay now. I just...I needed some time alone. But I'm okay now."
Keith sighed, stroking her back. He knew she was lying. It was so obvious that she wasn't okay, was barely holding herself together. But if that's what she needed, that was what he would damn well give her. He wouldn't make her cry, not if he could help it. Looking down into her eyes, he wondered if she would ever be alright again.
"Keith, I-" she broke off as his lips pressed onto hers. And then she lost herself in him again.
