Everything's An Illusion // Phan

6

TWO MONTHS & TWENTY EIGHT DAYS BEFORE
******************************************

* Later That Night *

Trigger Warning !!

I sat up in bed, breathing heavily. I had just awoke from yet another nightmare. I sighed and remembered my blade. That would help me to calm down.

I shook my head, trying not to think about it but the thoughts were getting worse.

What if I get caught?

Don't be pathetic Phil. No one is awake!

I slowly climbed out of bed and peeked through the curtain that was pulled round my bed for privacy and checked they were all asleep. I tiptoed towards the door and opened the emergency cupboard to find some toilet rolls.

Perfect.

I sat back down on the bed and lifted my sleeves up.

I sighed, looked down and wondered.

I pulled the blade to my skin, and traced lines. It wasn't helping. I tried to go deeper, creating more blood to splurt out. My arm was now covered in blood, and it was running slowly down my arm towards my hand.

I smiled and watched the blood, putting tissue to the cuts and feeling a lot better.

I crept back into bed when I had thought the blood had stopped and put my sleeve back down, hiding the bloody tissue inside the pillow and deciding to get rid of it tomorrow.

TWO MONTHS & TWENTY SEVEN DAYS BEFORE
******************************************

I woke from my sleep and got out of bed. It was currently 6am and I knew that no one would be hiding outside their dorm. I got up with the tissue and stuffed it inside my pocket, leaving the room and trudging to the bathroom. There was a guard beside the door, but he was half asleep and didn't realise my existence.

I walked into the bathroom and chucked the tissues into the toilet. I sat there for a while, scared to flush the chain in case someone heard me.

"Psst"

I jumped out of my skin.

I turned around to see Dan Howell outside the door.

"I heard you get up, thought I'd come see where you were going," he whispered.

"Could you stop following me everywhere! I swear you're like a little lost puppy! I don't need your guidance every where I go!" I hissed.

"I'm only looking out for you Phil." Dan replied.

"I don't need looking out for," I shoved past him and walked to the sink. I turned on the tap and began to wash my hands.

"What's that on your sleeve?" He questioned.

I looked down and realised the blood hadn't stopped after all, and it had seeped through in the night.

"Uh.. Nothing." I said, scrubbing at the blood with a wet tissue.

"Looks like blood to me." He said.

"Just shut up will you! You're like the little fucking angel on my shoulder." I grunted.

He sighed and walked to grab more toilet paper.

"I don't need your help!" I yelled.

"Shh! You don't want to get caught do you?" He chuckled.

"Whatever" I said and pushed passed him to walk back to the room.

He followed behind me slowly, I could hear his footsteps collide with mine.

"Stop following me!" I turned round and shoved his stomach, he grabbed my wrists in time and looked me in the eyes.

"I don't think that's a good idea do you?" Dan said.

I struggled from his grip, tears were forming in my eyes because he was hurting the newly made cuts.

"Please stop.." I whimpered.

He let go of me and pushed then door open, telling me to go inside.

I walked in and sat on my bed, completely ignoring him.

"If you don't leave me alone then I'll talk to the nurse to move rooms." I huffed.

"But I haven't done anything wrong Phil. I'm trying to care for you." He said softly, sitting next to me and taking my hand.

I pulled away and scooted away from him.

"Could you get any closer?!" I complained.

"You look so beautiful in the morning. The morning sun shines on your pale skin, it makes you look like an angel." Dan came out.

"Could you stop flirting with me, gay boy." I grunted.

He sighed and went back to his bed.

"What's all this noise?" Chris said, pulling back my curtain.

"That one -" I motioned to Dan. "Won't fucking leave me alone!"

"Dan, not everyone likes people around them. You need to be considerate of what Phil is dealing with." Chris said sternly.

I smiled up at Chris and thanked him.

I found a black shirt in my suitcase with some black skinny jeans and threw over my yellow adventure time jumper.

"You might wanna get those bandaged before they notice. If they're bandaged and they see they'll think you did them before you got here." Chris said pointing to my arm.

I blushed and forgot about the cuts on my arm before getting changed.

"I can help." Chris said, leaving and returning a second later with a first aid kit.

"Sit down." He said.

I sat down and pulled up my sleeve, he made an odd noise with his mouth.

"They look pretty bad Phil." He said. "But I can't tell you to stop because it isn't my right to." Chris understood.

He wrapped the bandages tightly round my arm and a little blood soaked through, he secured it and smiled.

"All done!"

"Thanks." I said.

"Anything for a friend." 

***

HELLO

I LOVE YOU ALL AND I NEVER WANT ANY OF YOU TO EVER HURT YOURSELF BECAUSE YOURE ALL AMAZING HUMAN BEINGS AND IF YOU EVER FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO THEN IM HERE TO TALK TO SO PLEASE DONT COPY ANY OF THE THINGS IN THIS!!

<3

- Holleh