Everything's An Illusion // Phan

3

TWO MONTHS & TWENTY NINE DAYS BEFORE
***********************************

Today, school was bad. Probably worse than yesterday. But it seems as if school is getting worse every day. I woke up aching, my body felt weak. The bruises had finally got to me.

I had been given bruises from not only the people at school, but when I arrived home; my father had finished off their job.

I winced at the pain, and decided that I didn't feel like moving today.

I closed my eyes, I hadn't realised how tired I was. I barely slept last night, I sat up thinking about everything, as per usual.

I felt so alone. My life felt so bad now. I had no one. I've always had no one. I used to be able to put up with it, until I got to secondary school; and the boys began to beat me up; that's when it got too bad.

So bad, that I wanted to die.

I always thought how I would leave. Would I leave a suicide note? But then, who would I write it to? I have no one special I would like to say goodbye to. Which is what makes it worse, because it makes me realise how little I have.

You could call me selfish and tell me there are kids out there starving and I'm complaining about a few bruises, but trust me if you had seen my bare naked body; you would notice that my pain is just as bad as theirs.

I also felt weak because I hadn't ate in a few days. I don't always eat, sometimes I just don't feel like eating. I've always suffered with eating problems. People would call me names at a young age, which would mean that in later life I would start to believe it.

I thought I was ugly. I thought I was fat.

***

Later That Day

It was 8pm, I had stayed in bed all day. I had gotten up at about 1pm to get a drink from the fridge; but I made it to the stairs and turned into a coward. I was afraid that my dad would catch me at home, and beat me even more for not turning up at school.

My pathetic excuses of I'm tired wouldn't work with him, he would call me a wimp and tell me to man up.

Fine. I'll man up.

I walked to the bathroom cabinet, took out my small box with a lock on the front, and bought it back to my room.

I found the key hiding in my draw and unlocked it. There lay my blade, and a pot of about 30 sleeping pills.

Is this enough?

I had been stashing up for a long time. Waiting for this moment. Waiting for the moment where I could release the pain, and feel nothing but happiness because I would finally get what I want. My body could finally match what I've felt inside for so long.

Please work.

*gulp*

~

Cliff hanger!!!

Sorry for all the depressing things, if you dislike depressing fan fictions then please don't read this because I don't want any of you to feel triggered etc.

Thank you for reading!

- Holleh.