Haunted

twenty seven

I lay flat on my back on top of my bed, is it normal that I always overthink things. The moon gives light in my room, birds chirping outside and cool breeze outside blows up on my skin, making my toes curl up.

I've always thought of what is really the look up in the sky. It's like painted from the above. Over populated na kaya sa taas? Bakit kaya kailangan pang may mamatay? Bakit hindi pwedeng mabuhay nalang ulit sila? Bakit hindi pwedeng makasama ko nalang sila ulit?

Naalala ko nung tinangka ko kung bawiin nalang ang buhay ko, I was so desperate.. Really desperate to end my life, my problems. I've really wanted to follow Louis.. Dahil alam kong kung nasaan man siya ngayon, mas masaya na siya. That car accident was one of my life changing experience.. Parang nagising ako sa lahat ng bangungot na meron ako noon. Kaya siguro binigyan ako ng second chance, para makilala ko si Rhian. She gave me another definition of what life is. Siya ang nagbigay dahilan kung bakit ako nagpapatuloy sa mundong to.. Pero hindi parin nawawala sa isip ko na patay na siya.. Na wala na siya..

Nagulat nalang ako ng biglang may taong tumawid sa pinto ng kwarto ko.

Rhian is here.

"Hi" Rhian says and I opened the lamp beside me.

I sit up on the bed and she sit beside me. She was examining my neck and I look at her in confusion..

"Bakit?" Tanong ko at hinawakan ko naman ang leeg ko.. Tsaka ko lang narealize na hinahanap niya pala yung kwintas.

"Ahh.. I took it off first, my mom was here earlier and as usual, she's being overprotective. Pinatanggal niya muna sakin kapag matutulog daw ako tanggalin ko daw kasi baka masakal ako.. At baka magsuicide nanaman daw ako.. Hahaha" I explained

She took the necklace on the table beside my bed, examining it holding it up infront of her.

"I've got a little secret to tell" She says, gazing at me.

"Ano yun?" I ask her.

She smiles crookedly, taking the moon pendant into her hand and turning it back. She points to the body of the moon.

"Look closely" she commands

Lumapit ako lalo sa kanya at tinignan ng mabuti ang buwan na hawak hawak niya. May parang nakasulat na phrase dito, nakaengrave. Halos tatlong buwan ko na tong suot, pero ngayon ko lang to napansin.

"Dum spiro spero" I read slowly with a hint of confused tone "What does that mean?"

"While I breathe, I hope" Rhian answers, Her angelic voice, like the way she said it made a great deal out of it.

The short phrase engraved neatly and written in cursive. It's haunting me..

"Engraved in Latin" Rhian says, running her thumb over the words. "Hindi ko alam kung paano pero nung binigay sakin to ng lola ko, pinaniwala niya akong wag kong sayangin ang bawat oras ng buhay ko. When I was still breathing, I never stopped hoping.." She then turn back the pendant, running her fingers through the moon. I'm kind of wondering of she could feel the cool touch of the chain beneath her hand.

"How old were you when she died?" I ask

"Seventeen"

Two years before she died.. I wonder what will be her grandmother's reaction when they finally see at the afterlife. Now my heart is even crumpled at the thought. Ngayon mas nakakaramdam ako ng galit sa taong kumitil ng buhayni Rhian.

"Bukod sa kapatid ko, isa siya sa mga nasasabihan ko ng mga problema ko.. I wish that I could see her in the afterlife.. I'll tell her that I followed what she told me before she died. That I have always hoped while I was breathing.."