December 12th 2010.
I sighed as I stared before my mirror. I had nothing but my girl briefs and my bra on. Why couldn't I be like one of those girls? I would do everything to have bigger thighs and bum. Due to my skinniness, I had a thigh gap, it wasn't too noticeable but it was, if you get what I mean? Why, couldn't I be like my sister? Who fairly had a bit off all three; breast, bum and thighs. And not to mention, she's drop dead gorgeous. Kissing my teeth one more time loudly, before a tear escaped from the corner of my left eye, using my index finger I wiped it away. I never understood, how could Courtney like someone like me? There were many pretty girls out there, especially in his year yet he settled for someone like me? There was nothing at all about me that was special and would answer to why Courtney had picked me. I understand, that I understand him more than anyone ever would but it isn't hard for someone to learn about you. I wasn't ugly - but there was better looking girls out there. I was your decent average black girl, you would find in South London. Nothing, special about me at all. The thought of Courtney and Jennie being together did run across my mind at times - Courtney loved Jennie like the love he shared for his sister and I knew Jennie loved him too. He could easily of went for her the better option but he settled down for? I was yet to find out why.
"Out of all girls, why me Courtney?" I mumbled to myself, closing my eyes, trying to calm myself down. Considering, that it was nearing to Christmas I should be all happy and bubbly, this wasn't like me at all. I loved Christmas time. The joy of spending it with your loved ones was the best feeling in the world, the laughter of the ones you love the most and all their happiness, made me wish Christmas was twice a year. I had a gut feeling something was going to happen - I didn't know what or when but I could sense something bad. Really and truly, I should be happy, I had a wonderful family and friends that I loved and a great boyfriend that I adored, almost starting to believe that I was falling in love with. I didn't know if I was falling in love with him or in love with the attention I was receiving from him.
"Because your beautiful C".
I opened my eyes, in the mirror I could see Courtney stood by my bedroom door staring right at me with an apologetic look written all over his face. He stepped, in closing my door behind properly. I hadn't heard him when he entered. As, far as I knew of he wasn't coming around today, there wasn't any plans made. Yes, I was still upset with his choice of words towards me four days ago. I might not show it but Courtney words played around and around again in my head. It, definitely felt like Deja Vu.
My body tensed up as his arms snaked around my waist, his chin rested upon my shoulder. The warmth temperature of his body instantly made me relax. I didn't want to forgive him so easy but this was Courtney. Forgiveness comes along with him.
I stared at him through the mirror, he done the same right back. Not once did our eyes leave one another. The mirror showed, two perfect couple but we both knew that we're far from perfect. This was just another relationship. Courtney and I.
"I'm sorry C". I was waiting for that, he took a little longer than usual.
"Don't say it if you know you'll do something similar again Courtney. Don't please". I said, almost as if I was begging him not to break my heart. Was I? Was, I actually begging him not to break my vulnerable heart?
"I mean it C. I don't know what came over to be that day but I promise, that won't happen again".
Through, the mirror I looked down at his arms wrapped around my waist. Why couldn't we be perfect as we looked.
"Is this the part where I forgive you instantly Courtney?" I asked, looking back up at him. "If, I'm honest with you - I am tired of it all. You, me what's this Courtney? You hurt me and I forgive you like some any stupid girl it's not like you learn you always do this then come back with the same fucking dry apology".
