Paragon // z.m

22. "And jealous."

She stood there, unable to walk in with him, not really walking away either, but then the doors began to close, and she rushed for the button, as did he. He then looked at her, and she looked at him, and walked in to join him, knowing that she'd probably regret it later on, but not finding it in herself to care. She stood where Liam previously stood, humming a melody that Zayn couldn't recognize, moving her feet along. Her back was facing Zayn, her neck bare, and he found himself wanting nothing more than to kiss her, as secretly and passionately as she once, did him.

" You look good." He said instead, his voice constrained by whatever it was that he was feeling.

" Thank you. You look like crap though." He couldn't tell if it was ridicule in her tone, or hidden concern, as he chuckled slightly.

" Yeah, well, I feel like crap." He found the confession escaping his lips, and made no effort to stop or deny it once it was out.

" Why so?" She still hadn't turned to face him, and he didn't know if he wanted her to or not.

" It's just- it's nothing." He couldn't guilt her into listening to how he hadn't been himself since her. He couldn't victimize himself, when he was the one who had brought all that upon them.

" Of course it is." She sighed, shaking her head to herself. She almost looked frustrated, and her floor was approaching, and he had to do something. He couldn't let her go out there, thinking that he didn't love her, when he did. God, did he. So he rushed to the panic button, bringing the elevator to an unexpected halt.

" Zayn, what are you doing?" It had been so long since he had heard her calling his name. Unlike his normally contained self, he felt the sudden urge to begin to cry. He didn't though.

" I'm sorry, you know. I know I don't say it nearly enough, but I am. I didn't mean any of it though. I swear to all that was ever important to me, that I didn't mean any of it. I was just, angry, and confused, and absolutely terrified." He spoke, his words rushed, urgent, but sincere. His caramel eyes, held her own, before shying away, only to hold them again.

" It doesn't matter anymore, Zayn. Just, let me go." She took his hand off the panic button, causing the elevator to move again. He tried not to dwell upon how the touch of her hand felt against his, before he pressed the panic button again.

" I need you to hear me out. I don't care what you want to do after that, just fucking listen, because all you've heard before, all I've ever said to you, had been complete bullshit." The panic in his eyes, the urgency in his voice, caused her to sigh in surrender, resting her back against the closed doors, crossing her arms against her chest.

" I never felt like that before. I never cared. I never, felt, I guess. For as long as I can remember, it has been me, by myself, working my ass off, or having meaningless sex to feel anything at all. I didn't though. And I was okay with that. I grew accustomed to it, and it helped me get to where I am, because if you don't feel, or care, then you're never vulnerable, you're almost invincible. But then, you came along, and you got under my skin, and I didn't like that. I didn't like thinking of you so often. I didn't like wanting to see you a lot, I didn't like, needing you. And you had a fucking perfect boyfriend too, so that didn't help anything. So, without really meaning to, I found myself being a dick to you, because I had to keep you away. I had to not let myself fall for you. I had to not attach myself to you. Maybe it was selfish, probably cruel too, but you don't want to be with someone like me, Robin."

" I don't?" She breathed, her voice small, choked.

" No, you don't. I'm an A-class asshole. I don't have much to give you, I-" His hand departed the panic button, as the elevator began to move again, but then Robin's hand substituted his. She needed to hear him. She needed to be around him, for as long as she possibly could. This Zayn, not the one who made her feel like shit about herself, her life, and everything in between.

" I can't do that to you. I never meant for any of this to happen, Robin, I need you to believe me, when I say that, I am so, incredibly sorry for all I've done to you. I didn't mean it. I didn't mean to-" His words dissolved into her mouth, her hand leaving the panic button to rest at the back of his neck, holding on to the growing hair locks. His hands were numb at first, unable to react to whatever it was that was happening, but then, it registered in his mind, that she was kissing him. And this time, he wouldn't push her away. This time, he'd taste her, and hold her, and love her, till they both faded into ashes of their burning love.

" Your hair is long now." She breathed into his mouth, and his lips curved into a smile, without ever disconnecting from hers.

" You have an ass now." He slid the hands that rested on her back, to her bum, causing her to laugh. He made her laugh. For the first time, that heavenly sound was initiated by Zayn. And God, did he want to make her laugh for the rest of his miserable life. The doors to the elevator then opened, but they continued to kiss, having no care in the world but the both of them.

" For fucks sake! We ran down the stairs of four floors for this!" Louis' voice hissed, as Liam and Niall began to cheer. And she laughed into his mouth, and he laughed into hers, and they wondered how they had ever thought they could survive without this.

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A/N: aaaaand voila, they're back baby!

I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did, little by little, we'll know more about both of them so don't give up on this yet if there's anything that you don't understand :)

Also, I have just finished writing chapter 36 of this story, so it isn't ending any time soon yay!

Anyways, let me know what you think please, ily x

ps: the edit attached to the media section is made by one incredible, sweet, reader of this story whose support means the world to me, so follow her on here, or on twitter, or wherever, I'll be dedicating this chapter to her, so yeah, show her some support :)