Broken Hope (Phanfiction)

Chapter 24

*Trigger Warning*
I ran inside the house and up to my room, slamming the door behind me. Just do us all a fucking favor and kill yourself. His cruel words were once again ringing through my mind just as they did the day Josh and I were taken away from my mother. Oh Josh... I miss you so much. I know if I would have come home with tears streaming down my face and he were to see me he would know exactly how to comfort me. He would know exactly what to say. He would make me feel beautiful. But he's gone...and I won't ever have him back. I was crying harder now and before I knew it I was searching through every cabinet and drawer for an object that could give me the relief I needed. Finally I found a paper clip and immediately I bent it and held it against my wrist. No, I can't do this. Dan and Phil will find out like they always do. I set the paper clip down but picked it up again. You will always be worthless. His words were swimming through my head again. I couldn't get them out. I dug the sharp end of the bent paperclip across my skin. The words in my mind continued to spiral. They were screaming at me. They refused to stop no matter how many times I repeated the motion. I hid the paperclip as far back in the drawer underneath the sink as I could. Dan and Phil would be home soon. Well so much for 2 months and 4 days clean. I'm back to zero. I should have known. I'll never be okay.
"Kyra! We're home! Where are you?" Phil called out. I heard his footsteps coming up the steps and I rinsed off my arm despite how badly it stung. I pulled down my sleeve right as he knocked on my door. "Ky are you okay? Open up please," he said, his voice filled with worry. "Yeah give me a second," I told him but the crack in my voice made it obvious I had been crying. I wrapped a piece of toilet paper around my torn up arm. I'll fix it later. "No. Kyra open the door now," he demanded. "Dan!" He called. Shit. "Phil calm down I'm fine," I lied, opening the door. He pulled me into a giant bear hug. "What happened? Kyra have you been crying? You've been crying I can tell! What's going on?" Dan panicked. "No guys I'm fine honestly. Yes I was crying but it was because of...girly issues," I said the first cover up story that came to mind. They both got red in the face which made me smile. "Oh...I can call Zoe or Louise if you need someone..." Dan awkwardly scratched the back of his head. I chuckled. "No I figured it out," I assured them. "A-are y-you sure?" Phil stuttered. I smiled and nodded. "Okay well we brought home a pizza so come down and eat," Dan changed the subject. You'll always be fat. "Uh...I-I'm not r-really that hungry," I said quietly. "Oh, what did you eat at the coffee place?" Phil asked, giving me a weird look along with Dan. " I-I-I...well I didn't eat anything. I wasn't very hungry..." I spoke even quieter. "Kyra Rose..." Dan began. "I'm just not hungry!" I snapped. "Ky...calm down. Is something bothering you? Don't lie to us Kyra," Phil cut in. "Look I'm honestly just not hungry. Is that not okay?" I asked angrily. "I guess it's okay. Just promise me you'll eat breakfast tomorrow," Dan said. "Whatever," I mumbled and walked to my room.
*Time Skip*
I woke up to find myself crying again. Last night was awful. I couldn't sleep, his words would not leave me alone. I grabbed a hoodie and went to the bathroom. I looked beneath the sink to find the anti-bacterial spray for my cuts. I took off the bloody toilet paper and carefully sprayed on the medicine. I then cleaned up the cuts but decided not to put any bandaids on since I would be wearing long sleeves. I put on my hoodie but left my pajama pants and messy hair. I went downstairs to the smell of pancakes. I started towards the couch but Phil grabbed me by the wrist and lead me to the table. He lifted me up and sat me in a chair as Dan set a full plate down in front of me. "Eat," Dan demanded, he and Phil sitting in front of me. They dove right into their pancakes and were almost done after around 5 minutes but I hadn't eaten a bite. "Kyra, we said eat," Dan raised his eyebrows at me. I continued using my fork to play with the food. Phil started to say something else but I stopped him. "No. I told you already, my fucking God, I'm not hungry," I got up and ran up to my room.