Far beyond broken.

Chapter five - The unexpected.

~Lydia~

Me and Isaac hadn't spoken since the awkward collision by reception. So every time i saw him, i couldn't help but feel a little awkward. But whatever feelings i had about him, they just needed to go. I don't necessarily want to date anyone, and his twin sister is my best friend!! Even if she says its ok, it doesn't feel like it is.

Currently i was sat at home. My parents would be home in ten minutes, my dad too tonight. Sometimes it's just me and my mum as my dad has to go on business trips , but i prefer it that way. I thought my mum was bad, but she's nothing compared to my dad. He's super horrible.

I've never understood why people feel the need to be so horrible? I just didn't see what they actually gained from it, unless it was to make them feel better about themselves, but you can do that several other ways.

The front door swung open. My dad entered the house, he was wearing a suite like usual and carrying his briefcase. My mum just followed him in casual clothing, a blouse and some trousers.

"So did you cook any dinner?" My dad questioned me, i shook my head.

"What did you say? I couldn't here that." Really?

"No, i did not make any dinner." I answered his question.

"What a fat lot of good you are." He muttered.

Jee thanks dad.

"So were you intending to eat anything? Or..." He trailed off.

"Yes. I was seeing if you brought anything back." I responded.

"Well you shouldn't rely on me. Because i didn't bring anything back and seems to you're too lazy to cook anything, i highly doubt you will be eating tonight. But it will benefit you, because you need to sort out your weight." Wow, he's meant to be my dad, such a nice way to treat your daughter.

I just nodded in agreement with him, even though i didn't agree whatsoever. It was just to avoid arguments. There was no point in me arguing with my parents, i'd never win. Basically they would both just gang up on me and things would get really petty, they would get nasty... So it just wasn't worth it.

I looked over at the clock, 7:45pm. I was actually really tired, but it felt too early to go to sleep. My stomach began to rumble really loudly. It's not that i'm too lazy to cook anything, it's more like i'm fed up of constantly being called fat. So if i don't eat as much and control what i eat, then surely i will start to loose weight?

I decided to go to my room, i didn't really want to stay downstairs with my "parents". The atmosphere was awful, and plus they didn't even engage with me anyway. I genuinely don't think they would care if something happened to me, in fact they would probably be relieved if anything.

I stumbled up the stairs, and it didn't help that my footsteps were loud😔... I wasn't even stomping,i was walking usually. I guess i truly am fat.

My stomach began to rumble, it sounded like a growl. I needed food, i needed to eat. This was a horrible feeling, but i can't go back down there. I don't feel like facing my parents.

I approached my book case and pulled out my journal, i hadn't written in it for a while. Actually, i started getting paranoid that my parents started reading it. I don't think they have, or they would of said something about it, or made snarky comments/remarks about it. But i can never tell with them, they're so unpredictable.

I flicked through my journal and stopped at a random page, so i decided to read it.

The sad reality of life is that no one cares unless you're pretty or dead and if i'm honest i want to be both. I've had enough of being me, i've had enough of my so-called life, i'm really beginning to think that it isn't worth living.

I feel so lonely, the world is filled with billions of people. How is it even possible? Loneliness is one the worst feelings one can experience, you feel like life can't get better. You wish everything could get better and could go back to the way it used to be when everything was "fine" but deep down you know it can never be and thats what hurts the most.

I'm not happy being me, i'm not. I want a way out, i want an easy way out. I don't feel like i can continue, it's come to the stage that i actually want to die. I do, the only reason i'm still here is because i'm too much of a coward. But not for much longer, i have pain killers, several pains killers, it's time...

I heard footsteps come up the stairs. I instantly panicked and placed my journal down the side of the bed. I didn't want to end up hospitalised. I sighed, all the stuff i had wrote in my journal they were true. Things i had once thought, things i had once felt. I make it sound like this is all in the past, that things have changed, that i'm not as bad anymore and up until now i genuinely believed that. But the truth is i will never be better, i will always be that girl...

My bedroom door swung open, it was the last person i expected to be here.

"Isaac?" i gasped.

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A/N

Okay sorry about the long wait, i've been so unbelievably busy. I'm running out of ideas for this book, i have an idea but i don't really want to use it until chapter chapter eight at the earliest tbh.

Sorry this is short, errr like i said didn't really have any ideas. Unedited too, beware. I'm awful at making mistakes c:.

i'll try and update soon, i have faith in this book. Just need to get my reads up, promote?<3

Please: Vote/comment.

thanks

freya,