Rain [h.s]

nine

December 12th-

      Eve and I got an A on our project. I've started talking to her a lot more now; she still doesn't push me to talk if I don't want to and I appreciate that more than she knows.

She smiles at me a lot and I've caught her staring sometimes. She blushes when I catch her and it's actually become hard not to smile when it happens.

I've slowed down when I run now so that I'm not pushing her to, essentially, kill herself to keep up with me and my long legs. She hasn't mentioned it but she has made it clear that she's glad I've done so.

I actually have her phone number now. I'm too worried to text her though because I know that when I do I will actually talk a lot. Texting is so much different than talking out loud and I'm afraid that I'll scare her away or say too much.

I don't want to scare her away. She's different and I really like her despite the fact that she has no idea who I really am or that I'm even interested in her in that way.

She's the very first person to make a genuine effort since Arcadia left and she's the very first girl that has taken hold of some part of my heart since then as well.

I've started to realize that it's okay for me to move on without her, Arcadia I mean. She was my best friend and my first love and I don't think that I'm ever going to be able to forget her but I've learned that I can live without her and that I can move on even if it takes me longer than it should.

I think that Eve made me realize that even though my therapist has been trying to do that for years. Should I text her? I really want to but I can't seem to stop arguing with myself. It would really make her happy I'm sure and something about knowing that she's happy makes me feel just a little bit less sad.

I think that I'm going to text her. The worst she could do is not answer and that wouldn't be unusual because no one answers me anymore except my parents. I really hope that she answers...

                                                              H.