Broken ➳ h.s

17] I Don't Do Lonely Well

ღ•Amber's POV•ღ

Finally! We're in America! I've been waiting so long for this. It's just as I imagined it would be... We even saw the Statue of Liberty.

The boys usually are busy planning for the Go1Den winner's arrival. They want everything to be perfect. But that's because they're from all around the world. They want they're visit to be special.

So with them being busy all the time I'm usually in the hotel by myself. I hate being by myself... I get bored. Then I look at twitter, which leads to seeing the hate.

The insults get to me... I'm too fragile to stand up for myself. I fold under pressure... Seeing all this hate makes me hate myself. It makes me hate who I am. I wish I could change for them...

All the fans hate me... They want me to break up with Harry but I wouldn't for anything in the world. I wish that I could make them stop... I refreshed my connect tab and a whole new screen of tweets popped up in my mentions.

"@Larry_Is_Real: @Amber_Rose_Official just break up with Harry. You don't deserve him."

"@1D_Love: @Amber_Rose_Official you're a filthy whore who only wants Harry for publicity!"

"@Directioner_4Life: @Amber_Rose_Official you should've died in the car crash."

The last one broke me. Maybe they're right... I'm just a filthy whore who doesn't deserve Harry. They're all right... I am all of those things they say about me. Maybe it would've been better for everyone if I had died in the crash...

I walked into the bathroom ignoring my conscious. Everything inside me was fighting my decision. Except my body. One part of my brain was telling me to harm myself. It wanted me to keep going... It wanted me to cut myself up until I died. The other part was telling me not to.

I pushed my conscious to the back if my mind. But it kept making its way back to the front. I grabbed my razor from the shelf in the shower and slid down the tiled bathroom wall.

I held the razor over my wrist. It hovered there for what seemed like forever. I was shaking all over with tears pouring down my cheeks.

I don't want to do this... I really don't want to do this...

Just do it you bitch! You deserve it! You are a dirty whore just slide the metal across your wrist you slut!

I was arguing with myself... Either way I knew I couldn't win. I lowered the blade slowly. My sobs grew louder.

"Amber don't!" A familiar voice shrieked.

But it was too late. Just as the voice screamed out I slid the blade across my wrist creating two clear cuts horizontally across my wrist. The razor was snatched from my grasp and thrown against the opposite wall.

Frightened, I looked up to see Harry kneeling down in front of me. His figure is blurred due to my tears. He was fumbling with a small hand towel. He pressed it against my bleeding wrist over and over again.

"Why?" He asks his voice cracking.

I didn't answer and only watched him dab the blood off my wrist.

"Amber... Answer me! Why would you do this to yourself?!" He asks in a serious tone.

"I... The... I'm sorry..." I stuttered.

"Amber... You said that last time and you did it again... What happened?"

"Ow!" I squealed as he pushed a little harder on the cuts.